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Build The Scariest Nightmare Ever And We'll Tell You Which Obscure Film Or Episode You Should Watch

Craft Your Perfect Nightmare And We'll Tell You Which Obscure Film Or Episode You're Most Likely To Appreciate

You're sitting in your room. Who is knocking at your door?  


What does the thing knocking on your door want?  


But hold on — you're not in your room at all! You're in:  


Now something is chasing you. What is it?

There is a song that emanates from the chest of the monster. What is it?

You suddenly find yourself in a forest grove surrounded by:

You wake up, out of breath, and find standing over you:

What does your grandmother think of this when you tell her the next morning?

Bathe in your quirkiness and rub your strange shampoo over your hair — QUACK! _Gus Visser and His Singing Duck_ is the quintessential trailblazing exercise in short-form sound filmmaking. What's more, it has a duck in it. That sings.

_Gus Visser and His Singing Duck_

You have a penchant for the theatrical — THE THEATRICAL, I SAY! — and for contained literary adventuring. If not that, you just really want to watch Al Pacino stage a passion project, which is basically all this 90 minute documentary from 2011 is. It's Al Pacino's documentary about a film he made about a play he staged.

_Wilde Salomé_

Adventure! The high seas! Fish! _Kon-Tiki_, which chronicles the exploits of Norwegian explorer Thor Heyerdahl, won the Best Documentary Academy Award in 1951. It features fish that fly onto the boat and die overnight, so the crew decide to cook them and eat them. Fun stuff, we know.

_Kon-Tiki_

This 1918 film is about a woman who impersonates a man and discovers that being a man isn't so easy. It was also, of course, written and directed by men.

_I Don't Want to Be a Man_

Big ol' oof. Giant oof. Ooftastic. This is basically an hour and a half of sad, miserable, tragic Holocaust courtroom gold, and it features harrowed men and women confronting the monsters responsible for ruining their lives. What on earth did you pick to get here?

_Nuremberg: The Nazis Facing Their Crimes_

Sleep! Sleep! Sleep! Sleep! Sleeeeeep! Andy Warhol's 1954 film is literally just five hours and 21 minutes of a dude sleeping. What this has to do with nightmares I have no idea, but I guess this is the movie for you.

_Sleep_

Pink costumes, cannons, and comic mishaps! This is a Chinese adaptation of the Coen Brothers' first film, _Blood Simple_, and it's unrepentantly terrible. It's also made by the man responsible for _House of Flying Daggers_ and _Hero_. You're into escapist nonsense and warm, sticky feelings of joy and family and burying your wife's boss alive because you wrongly suspect that she killed him.

_A Woman, a Gun and a Noodle Shop_

Old people have adventures too! Not big, grand adventures, but small ones — like going to Iceland with a former brother-in-law and traveling to spas and nightclubs. This is for old-timers, for people who love loneliness, and Icelandic spas. It's also funny, so there's that.

_Land Ho!_

You want to be hugged by argyle sweaters and kittens, by familiarity and joy. You want love. You want Tony Shalhoub. This episode of season 5 of the classic show _Monk_ may not have the enduring cinematic appeal of Steve McQueen's _Hunger_ or the Czech classic _...and the Fifth Horseman Is Fear_, but it does have one thing those will never have: Tony Shalhoub investigating the murder of a man who was murdered six times.

_Monk_: "Mr. Monk and the Really, Really Dead Guy"

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Build The Scariest Nightmare Ever And We'll Tell You Which Obscure Film Or Episode You Should Watch

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Build The Scariest Nightmare Ever And We'll Tell You Which Obscure Film Or Episode You Should Watch

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