1.
The mere thought of exercising is exhausting.
2.
Like HELL NO you don't know them.
3.
Because last time you exercised, you were paralyzed the whole next day.
4.
And when you run, it looks a little something like this:
5.
You have a hard time understanding why anyone would sacrifice the comfort of air conditioning for a hike up a steep mountain.
6.
Like, getting covered in a layer of dirt and sweat is something you'd rather watch contestants do on The Biggest Loser.
7.
AND THE GYM. Literally what your nightmares are made up of.
8.
Half of your time is spent on a stretching mat trying to make a playlist that will motivate you.
9.
And the other half is spent looking for the weight machine that looks the most comfortable to sit on.
10.
If the treadmill goes faster than jogging speed, your inadequate legs will make a scene.
11.
And when you dare to try free weights, you're just trying your best to copy the person next to you.
12.
Your unathleticism is nothing new though.
13.
Growing up, your parents enrolled you into literally EVERY SPORT to find a good fit for you.
14.
But it's not your fault you sucked at everything because you lack any form of coordination.
15.
As a result, you were ALWAYS picked last when you played something that required teams.
16.
And sometimes you weren't even picked because "someone HAD to be the scorekeeper."
17.
But who could blame them? Your head was a BALL MAGNET.
18.
Field Day was anything but a "field day" in elementary school.
19.
Because you never got any place higher than last for any event.
20.
Like seriously, the only thing you looked forward to that day were the popsicles.
21.
And by the time high school rolled around, you did everything in your power to ditch gym class.
22.
Because even when you'd actually go, you'd just end up making a fool out of yourself.
23.
You thought maybe if you joined the track team, an athletic side of you would suddenly awake.
24.
You thought, It'll get better after high school.
25.
Apparently jobs like to have intramural sports teams.
26.
And you're seriously so bad, you're afraid for your job every time you step out on the court.
But at the end of the day, who cares if you can't perfectly throw a football?
Because you're athletic in your own way.
