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    Aug 4, 2015

    This Is What Life Is Like For Miley Cyrus's Pets

    Paws in the air like we don't care.

    It's 9 a.m. and you're woken up by the sound of Miley struttin' her stuff just a few hours after you went to bed.

    You think to yourself, Today might be the day I run away.

    You move to the giant stuffed animal collection to blend yourself in with your surroundings HOPING it'll buy you some more sleep time...

    ...but before you can settle yourself, Miley GRABS YOU — the morning selfies have begun.

    You're then forced to pose in a copious amount of shameless selfies, no matter much you try to resist.

    NO. MATTER. HOW. MUCH. YOU. TRY. TO. RESIST.

    And you never know what props will be employed.

    But you've come to expect one thing: a boob slip.

    You wait for Miley to inevitably fall back asleep mid-selfie from twerk exhaustion. You know this will be your only chance to escape the selfies.

    After checking to make sure she's actually asleep, you make your way out of her room with stealth.

    You sneak downstairs hoping to find something left out from last night's banger to eat. Unfortunately, all that's left are empty bottles of beer and dried chip dip.

    You think, Really, bitch? WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL OF LAST NIGHT'S PIZZA?!

    You start to daydream about the giant pizza box you were sitting in last night — if only you took advantage of it while you had the chance.

    SUDDENLY, you snap out of your daydream and a yellow-wigged Miley appears with lunch.

    YAS MAMMA MILEY! you think to yourself.

    Full as a pig, you make your way to take a late afternoon nap next to the fireplace. You think, Life as a Cyrus pet isn't THAT bad...

    UNTIL YOU WAKE UP TO MILEY PANTING YOUR ANIMAL FOOT WITH NAIL POLISH.

    You look to your right and see the squad is over playing Twister...again.

    You try your best to hide from Miley and her glittery crew...

    ...but you know they'll find you — THEY ALWAYS FIND YOU.

    You decide to tolerate the outfit they dress you in as you attempt to make the best of the night. You know it's easier to accept your fate as a Cyrus pet than to fight it.

    But as the night goes on, things get weird...

    ...and you want nothing more than go to bed.

    But alas, there's nothing you can do to stop it. It can't stop and it won't stop — for you are a Cyrus pet and this is your daily life.

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