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7 Bizarre Ancient Contraception Techniques

Only godless heathens have intercourse for reasons other than procreation. But rather than raise unloved babies the way the Lord intended, sinners have been experimenting with strange pregnancy and disease prevention devices throughout recorded history.

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5. Mercury, Strychnine, And Arsenic - 51 BC

Prostitutes in ancient China often drank birth control poisons made of mercury, strychnine, and arsenic that made becoming pregnant impossible. Unfortunately, they also caused amnesia, senility, pain, and often death.

4. Goat's Bladder - 150 AD

Legend has it, King Minos of Crete was victim of a curse that turned his semen to scorpions and snakes. In order to prevent his seed from harming the women he was with, Minos used a goat's bladder as a crude form of female condom.

3. Beaver And Weasel Testicles

During the Dark Ages, if a woman wanted to prevent pregnancy she would tie a pair of severed weasel testicles to her inner thigh. I'm not entirely clear on the details of whether this was true contraception, but it sounds like it would prevent any chances of sexual contact at all.

Later, Canadian fur trappers made alcoholic beverages containing Beaver testicles as a pregnancy prevention elixer. It was about as effective as other forms of prayer.

2. Fine Leather Condom - 1400s

People continued to experiment with animal entrails as condom-making material up until about the 15th Century. But given the rise of syphilis cases, Dutch traders began importing the latest in "fine leather" condoms from Japan.

1. Coca-Cola And Other Spermicidal Soft-Drinks

During the 1950s, the idea that Coca-Cola was an effective spermicide was popular folklore of the time. Pepsi and another drink local to the island of Malta known as Krest Bitter Lemon have also been rumored to kill sperm.

But numerous studies have shown that although these drinks sometimes immobilize spermatozoa, they are rarely reliable and often are more hazardous to your lady bits than other methods of contraception.