1. Amid the 23,000 people, there’s some hairy Vikings
They come out to play across the isles in January, February and March for Up Helly Aa to celebrate Shetland’s Norse heritage and man’s innate love of setting fire to things.
And in true Viking tradition, the main Up Helly Aa event in Lerwick burns a galley in a playpark, right near the big slide
No pillaging here, no siree.
3. And there’s every photographer’s dream, the Northern Lights - or as they’re called in Shetland, the Mirrie Dancers
Or for all you posh buggers, the Aurora Borealis.
4. There’s the ponies too, but contrary to popular belief, they’re not absolutely everywhere
And they don’t moonwalk either.
5. Shetland’s Fair Isle knitwear has influenced fashion
‘You talkin’ to me?…You talkin’ to me?’
7. We always have good nights
8. And even the bad days, when the wind slaps your face with the anger of Hulk Hogan after he discovers the milk’s run out, are pretty great
9. Growing up in Shetland meant beaches, sledging for miles, safety, building dams, sitting in front of the fire, grubby hands, and above all, a clean soul
Defying that well-known saying, the grass is actually just as green on this side as it is on the other side. Where do I complain?
13. The bouncy twelve-hour boat journey to and from Aberdeen usually results in this
But it’s okay, you’ll meet someone you know in the bar and drink away your travel sickness blues. Then throw up again.
14. …and the plane trip back south might start off like this
Our pilots aren’t drunkards, promise. It’s just wind. Just wind…
15. If the boat is cancelled a few times in bad weather, the supermarket shelves get wiped out in fear of starvation
Panic buying: A time when human life on the isles suddenly can’t survive without ten loaves of bread a week.
16. Our wildlife inspires the awe
Holy scoot, that seal is cute.
17. …but unfortunately our birds aren’t quite toilet trained yet
Week-old tattie soup is a dangerous idea for both humans and animals, apparently.
22. Sometimes we have slow news days
Local commercial radio station SIBC regularly keeps the Shetland public abreast of the hottest breaking news.