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1. A set of nail decals in a dark starry design that will have people asking how you can afford such detailed manicures every week.
2. A motion-detecting toilet light so you (hopefully) don't wake yourself up in the middle of the night when you run to pee.
3. An initial pendant on a box chain if you want to keep your boo close at heart. Or, actually, your dog — I'd probably get one for my dog.
4. An all-natural, vegan stain-removing stick capable of ridding the most PERSISTENT stains, from grease and blood to dirt and grass. Swipe some on to the stain and then wash your garment as you usually would — you don't even have to launder it immediately!
5. A wad preventer to ensure your sheets don't tangle themselves up into a Boy Scout badge–worthy knot *and* not even get clean in the process.
6. A set of "day of the week" closet organizers for kids *or* adults so you can wake up knowing exactly what you're wearing and save yourself from trying on every single top you own.
7. A lightweight closet system that can hold up to 16 T-shirts at once so you don't have to waste bureau space on raggedy PJs and tees that are on their last legs and should really be converted into cleaning rags already.
8. A pair of prism spectacles if you have a boatload of work to get done but just don't see yourself sitting upright today...
9. A self-watering planter for the succulent lover who can barely down enough H2O themselves. The felt tongues suck up ~just~ enough water for plants to thrive and once they've outgrown their adorable lil' pots, they can be replanted.
10. A touchless vacuum you can sweep debris right into. No more song and dance with your dust pan trying to brush up every last speck of dust.
11. A luggage-mounted cup caddy because if you're anything like me, coffee is HIGH on your list of airport priorities and you could likely use an extra hand to carry it.
12. A biodegradeable bacon sponge on which you can drain grease from fried foods because you could not only clog your *own* drain if you dispose of it improperly, but your whole neighborhood sewer line as well.
13. A pillow-top mattress pad you can sink into like you're in a slo-mo mattress commercial. Just don't go trying to balance a glass of red wine on it, OK?
14. A padded tank that 1) looks incredibly cute and 2) eliminates the need for a bra. If the last 18 months have taught me anything about myself, it's that #2 is my new way of life.
15. A foot file if you're sick of your cracked heels catching on your sheets while you try to fall asleep. Just typing that makes me cringeeeee.
16. A set of heel caps so you don't become one with the earth next time you attend an outdoor wedding. ('Tis the season, according to everyone I went to high school with!)
17. A simple back-seat purse holder because the last time your bag got dumped whilst you took a sharp turn, you had to spend 10 minutes picking up all of your coins, lip balms, and Chipotle receipts.
18. A drain cover guaranteed to add ~inches~ of extra water to your bubble bath. No more readjusting every five minutes so all parts of your body can experience what it's like to actually be underwater!
19. A pair of tube squeezers sure to extract every last drop of toothpaste so you can work smarter, not harder. No more fruitless wringing or throwing away extra product.
20. A two-pack of draft blockers because *your* name is on the utility bill and you'll be damned if you pay even a penny for any cool or hot air that Houdinis its way out of the house.
21. A set of silicone baking mats that'll replace reams and reams of parchment paper. If Netflix's 10+ reality cooking competitions have inspired you to spend more time in the kitchen, they'll pay for themselves in no time.
22. A five-pack of gel pens so your journal entries dated September 22 through December 21 will be in appropriately autumnal shades.
23. A HyperChiller beverage cooler that allows you to turn hot coffee into iced coffee in 60 seconds flat. Just fill the container with water and keep it in your freezer so it's always ready when you need it.
24. A macramé fruit hammock so your bananas, apples, and oranges can enjoy their last days on Earth in comfort. Little do they know they're about to be devoured. 😈
25. A multipack of bra extenders because bodies change and bras are freakin' expensive!! Instead of replacing your undergarments, get the right fit with these easy-to-use straps.
26. A set of silicone stove-counter gap covers so you won't attract unwanted critters after flinging pasta into the 1/2-inch crevice for the third time this week. We all know nobody is actually cleaning it out (don't try to lie to me), so go ahead and do yourself a favor.
27. A terra-cotta bear that, when presented with a bag of brown sugar, will bravely say, "I volunteer as tribute!"
28. A grooming glove so you can give your dog all the love they desire while covertly brushing away mats and tangles, too. Use it on wet or dry fur (it's great in the bath) and on your feline friends as well.
29. A pair of scrunchie-style Apple Watch bands that won't pinch your wrist or leave you with an angry red circle of skin. If you're already used to wearing hair ties, there's really no difference!
30. A pouch of foaming garbage disposal cleaner to eliminate the special stank that can only be produced after years of shredding up meat, produce, and whatever that mystery blob was that came out of your long-lost Tupperware.
31. A set of four sheet fasteners that are basically like suspenders for your mattress, because nothing ruins a morning like having the corner of your fitted sheet pop off as you roll over.
32. A pair of dainty huggie hoops *so* lightweight and comfortable, you won't even have to take them off when you sleep or chat away on your phone for hours.
33. And a cropped mock turtleneck brami — AKA a two-in-one bra + cami — so you can ditch your usual underwire but still get alllll the support you need.
When you start *actually* drinking iced coffee at home thanks to your HyperChiller:
