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Y'all, The New "Zelda" Game Is So Freakin' Fun

IDGAF about video games but I am OBSESSED with Breath of the Wild.

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Hello, friends. My name is Cates, I’m 35 years old, and I haven’t sat down and played a video game in over a decade. I am not exaggerating, the last console I owned was a SEGA DREAMCAST.


After a while of hanging out, watching my S.O. play, they were like, "Hey, you should give it a go!" My immediate reaction was, "Nahhh, I'm good, video games aren't really my thing, I'm happy to just watch you play!" But the more I watched, the more I thought it looked like fun. So one day I was like, "Yeah, okay, sure, lemme try."

Second challenge: not immediately fucking dying.


You see this asshole? This is a Guardian. You encounter one like...five minutes into playing the game. It's a formerly helpful machine thing that got taken over by Calamity Ganon (the villain, duh), and this dude will kill you. So whenever I see one I just run away.


You start off the game with a smartphone called a Sheikah Slate, which has some pseudo-magical-science-y features like magnets, cool bombs, etc. It also contains a map and stuff, and you can use it to unlock shrines.

Once inside a shrine, you solve a puzzle. Some of them are super hard, and I've "nope'd" right out of 'em, but if you complete the puzzle you get a Spirit Orb, and if you collect enough of them and then pray to a goddess, you can get an extra heart.

But, I can hear what you’re thinking: Where’s the fun in playing a game where you don’t fight any of the bad guys? Well, in this game you can TAME WILD HORSES.

Nintendo / Via

You can sneak up behind a wild horse and jump on, tame it with some love and affection, and BOOM, NOW IT’S YOUR HORSE. You can lodge it in a stable and everything. The above horse it not the horse I tamed — the horse I tamed is named “Bill” and he’s a lovely brown horse, and he comes when I whistle for him. What a good boy.


You can gather food and equipment by looking for the sparkly things — in this screenshot, the shiny things in the trees are apples. They're the best and I will stop whatever I’m doing to gather any apple I see.

You can cook (!!!!!) random ingredients (mushrooms, apples, radishes, herbs, meat from animals you've hunted, etc.) to make stuff that replenishes your hearts.

Nintendo / Via

I've heard there are fairies in the game (like in the original Zelda!!!!!) who will cook magical elixirs for you, but I haven't found any yet.


Anyways, if you play around for long enough eventually you can tell the game developers are like, “So how can we get these people to actually, you know, PLAY THE PLOT OF THE GAME?” and then they subtly push you along.

Anyways, I don’t know anything about video games and I skipped over a lot of stuff about the game, but The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild is awesome and you should definitely play if you get the chance! Even if you're not a "video game person" you'll find yourself drawn into this beautifully immersive world that really challenges you and lets you escape reality (even for just a little bit).