1. Do not say that you turned down 4 girls this month, "despite how hott they were."
2. Do not tell me how you saved your last girlfriend's life, "after hesitating for a second."
3. Do not walk like a penguin. You do not look confident.
In fact, it looks like you tried to escape your penguin enclosure and fell (tragically) on the fence.
4. Do not say "check" while I am mid-sentence.
This may get you a slap. Really, where is your mother?
5. Do not correct the waiter when he arrives with aforementioned check for both our drinks.
6. Do not say, "I don't pay for women's drinks, it makes them feel like they owe me something."
Them? We're not all the same bird. Also, isn't it up to me whether or not I owe you something?
7. "I don't want to keep paying 5 bucks a drink" is not an excuse to go back to your mom's house, "No strings attached."
8. Do not try and read my palm.
Does this normally work for you?