1. Polaroid iZone Instant Camera
2. The Floppy Disk
Today, a floppy disk holds no valuable information. Its only use is as a coaster or emergency ninja star. Remember when the slidey piece on the back broke, destroying your report on volcanoes? Too bad.
3. Weee-Wrrrr-Weee-Wrrrrr-Bee-deee-deeee-dee
You’ve Got Mail. It took several minutes (minutes!) to log on, if you were lucky and no one picked up the phone, sending you back to square one.
4. Discman
5. Mario Teaches Typing. Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing. Anybody teaches typing.
Now you can find a toddler at a bar playing on an iPad. (I’ve seen it. Sippy cup on the bar, that rebel). Soon, typing will be an innate ability, like dogs swimming.
6. Tamagotchi
The scourge of teachers everywhere. I received three of these for a birthday one year and nearly had a mental breakdown trying to keep them all alive.
7. Lemmings
All those little creatures died and it was your fault. You sicko, you probably enjoyed watching them fall off that cliff to their deaths, didn’t you? What kind of game was this for a child anyway?
8. iMacs and iBooks in Fun, Jewel Tones
9. Oregon Trail
Now there’s an app for this, but it’s just not the same. I tried it. It failed to bring back the excitement of finally crossing the river, and the sadness of realizing 25 bison do not fit on wagon.
10. Keyboard Covers
That’s right, a piece of dust-gathering rubber was a tech item.
I just happy I no longer have to deal with the stress of peeking while the teacher isn’t looking.
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