53 Thoughts I Had When I Lost My Mum In The Supermarket When I Was Eight Years Old
I will reinvent myself, I will be a forager of the supermarket, a folk tale for children everywhere.
1. OMG this toy is soooooooo cool, I’ll never be allowed it but maybe if I put it in the trolley mum won’t notice.
2. Yeah great idea, I’ll just sneak it in and she’ll never know.
3. Where, er, where is she?
4. She’s probably about, she wouldn’t leave without me.
5. Although, yesterday she did say she’d put me up for adoption if I didn’t tidy my room.
6. Okay, so I didn’t tidy my room but she wouldn’t do this to me just because of that.
7. But I also wouldn’t put it past her.
8. She’s probably just around the corner looking at clothes, she loves a discount.
9. Oh no, she’s not here. Ah! She’s probably by the cheese.
10. Are you joking? The one time this woman isn’t eating free samples is now.
11. She’s definitely done a runner.
12. And it’s without a doubt because I looked for all of my birthday presents last year.
13. I guess I live here now.
14. This could work, this could really work. I’ll sleep in the home furnishings aisle at night and get breakfast at the deli, everything will be fine.
15. Everything will be more than fine, this is the dream baby! No adults and all of the latest toys to play with. Result!
16. But what about school and my friends? I’ll be uneducated and lonely.
17. No wait, I’m a eight-year-old and l hate school. If I get lonely I can just befriend the people on the checkouts.
18. I will reinvent myself, I will be a forager of the supermarket, a folk tale for children everywhere.
19. They will write about me in history books, I will be an eight-year old legend. Like Peter Pan but with less complexes about age and more knowledge about perishable goods.
20. I’ll have to come up with a plan to avoid the security guard’s final sweep through the shop at night.
21. I’ve got it, I will just pretend to be a mannequin when they pass me. Genius!
22. The night time will be pretty scary, I’m really going to miss my mum’s cooking.
23. But I will not miss washing up so there really are pros and cons to shop-living life.
24. Are shops haunted? Do the ghosts of past shoppers haunt the aisles looking for good deals? I really don’t want to do this anymore.
25. Omg is that my mum? She has the same hair.
26. MUM! MUUUUUUUUUUM! I’m running to you mum I’ve missed you.
27. This hand, this sweet, sweet, hand. Wow I’ve missed holding this hand. Never let me go of me ever again, mum.
28. OH NO.
29. CRAP.
30. You’re not my mum!!
31. YOU’RE AN IMPOSTER WHO LOOKS LIKE MY MUM FROM BEHIND!
32. I can’t believe I have been played like this. I am extremely embarrassed.
33. Now this woman is looking at me like she’s going to report me as missing.
34. I really, really, don’t want to be one of those kids whose names get called over the tannoy. Someone from my school will definitely find out and spread that I was crying.
35. And now I AM CRYING.
36. I’m going to sloooowwwwlllyyy back away from this woman before she reports me missing and I end up embarrassed in front of the whole shop.
37. Hey look, another kid who has lost their mum, we should become friends.
38. Oh look, they found their mum and they’re reunited.
39. I wonder if I’ll ever find my mum?
40. Wow, their mum is crying. She’s reallllyyy happy to be reunited, what an emotional reunion, they must really love each other.
41. Will my mum cry?
42. Where even is she?
43. Wait.
44. Is that her? Or is it just the woman who looks like her?
45. OMG THAT’S HER.
46. MUMMMMMMMM!!!
47. MUM I LOVE YOU AND I MISS YOU AND I’M NEVER GOING TO LEAVE YOU AGAIN. YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHAT I’VE BEEN THROUGH, I’M SO SORRY TO PUT YOU THROUGH THIS, PLEASE DON’T CRY.
48. Oh, you’re not crying. That’s okay it’s good that you stayed brave, one of us had to.
49. I’ve been gone for over 100 years, how has she not aged?
50. I was only gone for 30 seconds?
51. Oh you’re mad at me? But I love you!!
52. I’m grounded? This is not fair!!!
53. I should have just lived out the rest of my life in this shop.