1.
Its a unwritten rule that u don't touch your dinner until ye find something gd tae watch on tele
2.
This is why I'll never leave twitter
3.
Imagine trying some boots on in topshop and turn round to see a lady walking up and down in YOUR sandles..FUMING😷
4.
Pennywise🎈: I can get you a 2 bedroom flat in London zone 1 - 2 all bills included £400 Me:
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Chocolate digestives are the unsung hero of the biscuit world, no in it for the fame, just keeps its heed down and does the job
6.
"Oi why aren't you coming out?" Me:
7.
mum offered me a bottle of vodka they've had for ages nd had to say no cus i know it's 70% water from me stealing it when i was 16
8.
Did you even go cinema if you didn't sit there through the adverts saying 'I wanna go see that' to every film and never actually go l
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10.
20yrs of personal tube platform expertise and competitive commuting advantage rendered useless by some green paint.
11.
U know in Primark & it's packed n u can't move or find what u want & it's roastin & there's kids screamin. That's how stressed I am 24/7
12.
I hope in 30 years they make This Is England 17 and it's just a bunch of girls in joni jeans shagging guys in corsas in maccies car park
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PISS IN THE FROG'S MOUTH LIKE A MEN!!
15.
Hate when people don't believe my exaggerations. Like, yeah I did wait 7 weeks for the bus once just fuck off.
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me???? using sarcasm as a defence mechanism?? avoiding my feelings with dark humour???? what???? no way????
19.
when ur friend punches u, makes u walk through shitty water, drags u through a crackhouse & now ur gonna have to ki… https://t.co/r2VHI0nXon
20.
how RUDE are cunts in clubs that literally just shove you oot their way intae walls and spilling drinks and that calm doon wreck it Ralph
21.
Our son is dreadful at brushing his teeth. Turns out the Tooth Fairy has had enough
22.
asos delivery man let my dog sign for my parcel by pressing the wee machine against his nose
23.
We keep being told Welsh is uselss. Well, guess my password, motherfuckers.
24.
Thank goodness for the BBC. I don't pay my TV licence to see filth like "mother" on the telly.
25.
My 127 year old baby says thank you but please let her die now
26.
SCOTTISH PUBLIC TRANSPORT
27.
When you're friends with kids from the year above