1.
this has done me in for some reason
2.
almost lost my shit at the store today
3.
Man claims world will end Saturday. My producer tried to book him for an interview tomorrow. He said he wasn't available until next week.
4.
as you can see from these ruins, people of the 21st century had a colorful pantheon of gods
5.
6.
if my dick small, that's our business. don't bring it up while we play monopoly with my mom, its not my fault you can't manage your money
7.
this may be controversial to some of you, but ratatouille would demolish stuart little in a fight and it wouldn't even be close
8.
9.
the big baguette heist....., Foiled again
10.
things have been kinda weird since i moved in with a twitter porn bot
11.
did... did a rottweiler write this
12.
This guy says his Tinder date threw her poop out the window and then got stuck trying to retrieve it… https://t.co/BfBl6Dpg7s
13.
This is the weirdest tom and jerry memorabilia I've ever seen. It's too minimalist it looks like it's from their we… https://t.co/XFMt8DMD2p
14.
(+18)
15.
Moms gonna be pissed
16.
me: walks into room seductively, one arm behind my back you, naked in bed, drenched in lust: show me what's in tha… https://t.co/sHURTGaYLD
17.
ACCIDENTALLY PASTED THIS INTO AN EMAIL INSTEAD OF MY E-SIGNATURE, AND IN MY PANIC TO DELETE IT MANAGED TO SEND IT.… https://t.co/T5jgDIRohZ
18.
I love this band
19.
Career low: an 8th grader asks to interview you for a school project, you say yes and then the "production team" ch… https://t.co/zbvdsV375N
20.
I only went to Lidl for a loaf of bread
21.
I WAS PEEING AND I FELT SOMETHING SLAP MY ASS AND I LOOK DOWN AND
22.
Never letting my cat watch anime again
23.
This little guy went to the store 😭
24.
Bill Nye just walked into our elevator while I was snap chatting..
25.
26.
"Banana?!! No, no... that name will just confuse people."
27.
Somewhat dubious scenes spotted in the background of a friend's 4yo's school book