1. This prophecy.
This is the future liberals want
2. This vital piece of information we all needed.
I am optimistic about the future. Otherwise I wouldn't be sticking things up my butt to prepare for sexy times with a guy that I like. #hope
3. This terrifying nightmare.
I had a nightmare that I had become the ruthless CEO of a welcome mat company that only sold this one:
4. This creepy moment.
I went into the women's restroom by accident earlier today and as I was peeing I quietly whispered "I'm sorry" and then I left. It was fine.
5. This booty-ful snapshot.
Daily reminder: happiness often comes in the form of a warm butt
6. This incredibly important question.
Can you even fuck a pokeman?
7. This inspirational message.
Pro-tip: every day is wedding day if you make the choice to love yourself
8. This vagina testimonial.
My fucking bomb ass pussy so clean and compassionate it could turn any greasy ass devil dick into a truth seeking missile of light and love.
9. This iconic look.
When you kindly but firmly request to speak to the manager
10. This bizarre request.
I want a strong capable man who was voted in high school most likely to replace his tooth enamel with salt water taffy. I want that man now
11. This subtle poop check.
Sometimes I need to drop everything and check to see if I have shit myself.
12. This relatable confession.
I can't imagine anyone could relate to this, this is probably way too obtuse, obscure, even occult-ish but cute guys sometimes make me extra
13. This bid to understand the kids.
Is the mannequin challenge a metaphor for something? Crippling paralysis? Cryogenic future salvation? Can a smart kid give Nana a clue here?
14. This very dark tweet.
Waiting for my dead Dad. He is late.
15. This incredibly specific question.
Have you ever startled yourself awake in the middle of the night knowing your name was Kathleen and you needed to fight for what was right?
16. This blunt booty call.
When Doc put u on vocal rest but u still horny AF and pullin no punches
17. This weirdly lovely tweet.
Have you ever woken up in the morning with amnesia but then looked in the mirror and screamed and shouted oh yes god this will do just fine
18. This relatable hunger.
When you just barely see the faint glow of an Arby's sign in the distance
19. This. Just this.
When I 👀 sexy MAN in the park