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88 Thoughts Everyone Has When They First Stumble On A Bidet

Is this a urinal, or a water fountain?

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1. Gotta poop. Bathroom. Now.

2. Wait, why are there two toilets in here?

3. Do people poop in pairs now?

4. Is this a posh potty?

5. Why would you have a permanent training toilet?

6. Why would you put it right next to the adult toilet?

7. Is the child meant to learn how to shit from watching the parent?

8. Wait…. how did I learn how to take a dump?

9. Why am I thinking about my parents when I need to take a poop?

10. Dad used to make some abominable shits.

11. Mum did too.

12. Stop thinking about your parents shitting. FFS.

13. Wtf is this teeny toilet?

14. There's no flush, where would the poop go?

15. Wouldn't the poo just sit there?

16. Does your poo change as you grow up?

17. Do you poo like a rabbit when you're younger?

18. Like in pellets, rather than chunks?

19. That wouldn't work either.

20. This teeny toilet is definitely not a posh potty.

21. Maybe it's a urinal?

22. I'd have to kneel to piss in there though.

23. Bit like Tom Hanks in The Green Mile.

24. That was a weird plot point.

25. He had to pee in Forrest Gump too.

26. And in Castaway.

27. And in Apollo 13.

28. Man, Tom Hanks really likes pissing in his films.

29. Why would you have a separate toilet to wee? Seems a bit wasteful.

30. Let me turn it on.

31. Wait… the water goes up. That's not good for pee.

32. Turn this nonsense back off.

33. This is not a urinal.

34. Is this a footwash?

35. Is this how posh people live? Washing their feet separately?

36. Who has time to wash their feet like this?

37. If I stick my foot in there, where do I sit?

38. I do get to sit when washing my feet right?

39. There's no way I'm washing my feet one at a time in a special sink.

40. Wait… why would I get out of the shower just to wash my feet?

41. Who the hell just washes their feet?

42. This is not a footwash.

43. Wait... is that a water fountain?

44. Bit low to be a water fountain.

45. You wouldn't… drink that close to a toilet would you?

46. What about poo particles getting in your mouth?

47. The sink is right there, why would I need a special one?

48. This is not a water fountain.

49. Maybe it's for cats.

50. Or dogs.

51. Like a pet wash.

52. Hang on, you can't fit a big animal in there.

53. This is not a pet wash.

54. Oh shit, is this one of those butt sprinkler things?

55. Is this a douche?

56. Is this a bidet?

57. Holy crap this is a bidet!

58. Ok, how do I use this thing?

59. What way do I face?

60. Oh, this is weird.

61. Is this going to get me in the right place?

62. Let me turn this back on again.

63. ASFRUGALAH THERE'S WATER ON MY BUTT.

64. WHAT IS HAPPENING?

65. WHAT IS THIS?

66. MANKIND WAS NOT MEANT TO KNOW THIS FEELING.

67. FIXTHETAP! FIXTHETAP! THIS IS COLD AS FUCK.

68. Ah… warm, better.

69. Still weird.

70. Really weird.

71. There's a water fountain up in my butt.

72. Just soggying up the cheeks.

73. OK it feels better if I relax.

74. My butt feels kind of numb now.

75. OK stop that now.

76. My butt is really wet.

77. Is that supposed to happen?

78. Why would they make it so I have to use toilet paper anyway?

79. Feels kind of odd.

80. Wet toilet paper on my butt is well strange

81. Is this how toilet paper is meant to be used?

82. HOLY SHIT MY BUTT IS CLEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAN.

83. This is a whole new world.

84. We've been conned into brown wiping for years.

85. Sweet Jesus, I didn't know you could get your butt this clean.

86. No more dingleberries!

87. I need to get one of these at home.

88. Bidets are the future.

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