back to top

If American Horror Movies Were Set In Australia

This is how it’s done in Australia, mate.

Posted on

1. The Birds (1963)

What would happen: Every single bird would be a damn magpie so everyone would have to defend themselves with an ice cream bucket on their head.
Universal Pictures

What would happen: Every single bird would be a damn magpie so everyone would have to defend themselves with an ice cream bucket on their head.

2. Jaws (1975)

What would happen: Poor Jaws would've been killed pretty early on in the Western Australian shark cull.
Universal Pictures

What would happen: Poor Jaws would've been killed pretty early on in the Western Australian shark cull.

3. American Psycho (2000)

What would happen: Wolf Creek's Mick Taylor would put Patrick Bateman to shame in an outback killing spree.
Lions Gate Films

What would happen: Wolf Creek's Mick Taylor would put Patrick Bateman to shame in an outback killing spree.

4. The Blair Witch Project (1999)

What would happen: Absolutely nothing because Australians can handle being stuck in isolated areas. It's called camping mate, it's not that hard.
Artisan Entertainment

What would happen: Absolutely nothing because Australians can handle being stuck in isolated areas. It's called camping mate, it's not that hard.

5. Halloween (1978)

What would happen: Because most Australians don't celebrate Halloween, people would've actually paid attention to the weird guy walking down the street in a mask.
Compass International Pictures

What would happen: Because most Australians don't celebrate Halloween, people would've actually paid attention to the weird guy walking down the street in a mask.

6. Anaconda (1997)

What would happen: Literally no-one would give a shit about the giant snake because it's Australia and we've seen worse.
Columbia Pictures

What would happen: Literally no-one would give a shit about the giant snake because it's Australia and we've seen worse.

7. Unfriended (2014)

What would happen: There would be no "online haunting" because the internet in Oz is too damn slow.
Universal Pictures

What would happen: There would be no "online haunting" because the internet in Oz is too damn slow.

8. The Exorcist (1973)

What would happen? To help cure the little girl, the parents just would've given her a time out and told her to spend some time outdoors.
Warner Bros. Pictures

What would happen? To help cure the little girl, the parents just would've given her a time out and told her to spend some time outdoors.

9. Whatever Happened To Baby Jane? (1962)

What would happen: The film would track down Nikki Webster, the girl who sang at the 2000 Sydney Olympics, and answer such questions as, how is she? Does she still have curly hair? Does she still know all the words to "Strawberry Kisses?" You know, the important stuff.
Warner Bros. Pictures

What would happen: The film would track down Nikki Webster, the girl who sang at the 2000 Sydney Olympics, and answer such questions as, how is she? Does she still have curly hair? Does she still know all the words to "Strawberry Kisses?" You know, the important stuff.

10. Prom Night (1980)

What would happen: The prom queen would be haunted by an awful hangover brought on by drinking too much goon. Truly terrifying. Also, yes, this film is technically Canadian, but close enough, right?
Avco Embassy Pictures

What would happen: The prom queen would be haunted by an awful hangover brought on by drinking too much goon. Truly terrifying. Also, yes, this film is technically Canadian, but close enough, right?

11. The Shining (1980)

What would happen: Jack Torrance would've been driven insane from having to wait so long after the U.S for the latest Game of Thrones episode. It truly is a cruel world.
Warner Bros. Pictures

What would happen: Jack Torrance would've been driven insane from having to wait so long after the U.S for the latest Game of Thrones episode. It truly is a cruel world.