Only An Introvert Could Medal In These Events

If these weird behaviors were part of the Olympic Games, we'd bring home the gold.

100-Hour Response Delay

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It's not that you don't like others. It's that you don't want to see them.

50M Horizon Gaze

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What's that over there? Any object you can stare at purposefully — nay, soulfully — to avoid eye contact with the person headed directly toward you. Full concentration required. No blinking.

Passive-Aggressive Texting

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Victory = when the Other Person starts to bail first.

400 Reasons Invitation Hurdling

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After-work drinks? No, you have a family member in town. Or an engagement party. Or the Apocalypse.

Uneven Feelings Management Routine

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Your attitude towards spending time with others involves fluid swinging between MUST BE ALONE and MUST INTERACT NOW OR WILL DIE ALONE.

All-Around Excuse Making

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Can you hang out this weekend? In the words of Phoebe Buffay, "I wish I could, but I don't want to."

Greco-Roman Wrestling

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...with your desire to be an available, social human but also to be quietly nestled in the sanctuary of your own home.

Synchronized Ducking

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...into another aisle at the grocery store when you see someone you know.

Individual Medley in Small Talk Avoidance

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Hitting up the buffet table, pretending to listen to an important voicemail, going to the bathroom to check your hair — your tactics are varied and dazzling. Deployed in response to "Big plans for the weekend?"

Mixed Doubles, Friendship Edition

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Your secret weapon: some of your closest companions are extroverts. When you're not hiding from them, you actually understand each others' needs and offer complementary strengths.