If You Score Even A 1/28 On This, You're An Asshole

"I only like their first few albums."

"I listen to all of my music on vinyl."

"I don't have cable."

"I studied political science."

"Back when I was living abroad..."

"Back when I lived in Berlin..."

"I only
like dark chocolate."

"Let me tweet this."

"You haven't read that article?"

"I only
do hot yoga."

"I love jogging."

"I never listen to the radio, except NPR."

"E-books just aren't the same."

"I'm actually in the middle of a cleanse."

"I don't really do fast food."

"I have a brunch scheduled next Sunday."

"I feel like having a poke bowl for lunch."

"I just like the clothes at thrift shops better."

"I've got
a DJ set tonight."

"I went to see them before they were popular."

"That's too mainstream."

"I read it in the original French."

"I saw them at South By."

"I won't watch dubbed foreign films."

"Is this gluten free?"

"One sec,
let me put this on Instagram."

"I'm just going to take an Uber."

"I work on the internet."