So summer always means one thing and it’s not sunshine, BBQs, or going to the beach. Nope. For some of us summer means…
WATERMELON SEASON!!!
And it's the absolute worst!!!
And why? BECAUSE WATERMELON IS JUST PLAIN GROSS.
First off, it just tastes disgusting -- like moldy sugar.
Secondly, it's basically all nasty rough seeds!
Thirdly, watermelon has the consistency of sandy diarrhea.
Plus, all season you have to listen to people talk about how much they LOVE watermelon.
Or, worse yet, watch them eat watermelon.
And people are always using it for fruit arrangements, basically contaminating all the other the fruit and making it inedible.
Or worse yet, people make weird...
...disturbing...
...and just plain creepy sculptures with it.
And you know what's worse than REAL watermelon? ARTIFICIALLY FLAVORED WATERMELON PRODUCTS.
GAG. I rather drink a warm Natty Light.
BLECH. Watermelon Gum! I rather chew on an eraser.
Sorry, there's no room for you, watermelon Jell-O.
NOPE. These are just a crime against regular and delicious Oreo cookies.
UGH. Why Betty Crocker?! WHY?!
And you know where else watermelon has NO place: In perfumes and soaps.
Nobody needs the saccharine stank of watermelon scented soaps and perfumes.
So people who hate watermelon it's time to unite and fight the good cause and stop people from eating watermelon.
