The Definitive Ranking Of All The Men On “The Office”

Just act really surprised when you get to number one.

18. Toby Flenderson

NBC

Pros: None. Absolutely none. Okay, okay, that’s unfair. Toby understands the importance of sunscreen, and he has a cute daughter for you to play with.
Cons: He’s creepy and thought the Scranton Strangler was innocent. And worse than that, he wouldn’t stop talking about his jury duty for, like, years after it happened. He takes things that are fun and exciting, and he makes them not that way. I hate so much about the things he chooses to be.

17. Creed Bratton

NBC

Pros: On the show, he’s in his eighties, so you wouldn’t have to stay with him for very long. His strange behavior would also make for some great dinner party stories. You’d probably be able to confirm for us once and for all if he’s a murderer.
Cons: He’s probably a murderer.

16. Roy Anderson

NBC

Pros: He turned around after Pam dumped him. He knows how to play Billy Joel songs on the piano.
Cons: He was pretty much a dick to Pam throughout their entire relationship, and that makes him dumb because Pam is a warrior who deserves your respect. He wanted hot dogs at his wedding. Hot dogs.

15. Robert California

NBC

Pros: He understands the importance of luxury and pleasure, so you’d never be bored. That’s about it.
Cons: He’s creepy, he’s rude, and what fresh Game of Thrones hell did he crawl out of, anyway?

14. Stanley Hudson

NBC

Pros: Like you, Stanley doesn’t understand the appeal of Twilight. He’s also a total badass. If you need proof, check out his behavior when he went to Florida that one time. Hell yes, Stanley.
Cons: He’s kind of mean, and he’d probably cheat on you.

13. Clark Green

NBC

Pros: His name is Clark, so if you’re into Superman, that’s fun for you. He’s pretty good at business, so you could be rolling in it. Also, he wears glasses, which is always a nice touch.
Cons: He’s been ruined by Jan Levinson, and he’s like a meaner Dwight.

12. Gabe Lewis

NBC

Pros: He’s tall. He can work a Lady Gaga costume. He’s good at making pizzas, which is, like, the third most important trait in a partner.
Cons: He’s a kiss-ass, and it’s rumored that when one has sex with him, it’s like a skeleton is hugging you.

11. Ryan Howard

NBC

Pros: He’s a pretty funny guy, even if his humor is often mean-spirited. If he started a fire in the office, he could just as easily start a fire in your heart. Or your pants. Or both.
Cons: He’s a jerk with commitment issues up the wazoo. He’d constantly compare you to Kelly Kapoor. He doesn’t like ketchup. He went from being the VP of a company to working at a bowling alley. Above all, he can’t pull off blonde hair to save his life.

10. Andy Bernard

NBC

Pros: He’s awesome with extravagant gifts, and he’s musical. If you can play “Rainbow Connection” on the banjo, I’m going to give you a slice of my attention.
Cons: Sometimes, his extravagant gifts will injure you. His musical dreams get in the way of his being logical. He’s wrapped up in the past, making him the paper company equivalent of Napoleon Dynamite’s Uncle Rico. You would never forget where he went to school.

9. Kevin Malone

NBC

Pros: He’s just so flippin’ adorable, and you’d have a cupcake tower at your wedding. He’s one of the nicest men in Dunder-Mifflin history. Also he plays in a killer wedding band.
Cons: He’s not the brightest bulb in the bunch, and he’s a little creepy sometimes. You probably don’t want a look at his Internet history, as I’m sure it’s worse than the average man’s. Which means it’s probably pretty bad.

8. David Wallace

NBC

Pros: Subjectively, he’s a DILF. His voice is kind of dreamy. He works in NYC when he has a job.
Cons: He loses his job a lot and doesn’t see how freaking awesome Michael Scott is. He invented a toy for children called Suck It and didn’t see the problem.

7. Oscar Martinez

NBC

Pros: He’s well cultured and understands that saddle shoes and denim do not mix. He’s insanely smart and good with numbers, so if you’re the kind of person whose skin turns cold when you have to figure out 17% of a number, you’d just call Oscar and ask him for help. I’m on board.
Cons: He’s a little condescending and once lent a helping hand in adultery, so there are trust issues waiting to happen.

6. Bob Vance

NBC

Pros: He’s so nice and would literally pay $1,000 to hug you at an auction. He’s got a steady job, and he looks like he’d be really, really fun to hug.
Cons: He’d never leave Phyllis for you, so just stop barking up the Vance tree. You’d probably get really sick of hearing him remind you what line of work he’s in.

5. Pete Miller

NBC

Pros: He’s like a younger Jim, and he has Die Hard memorized. You could probably get him to memorize all eight Harry Potter movies, too, which would be hot. He’s a sweetie.
Cons: His nickname is Plop. That’s gross.

4. Darryl Philbin

NBC

Pros: He’s, like, the best dad ever. He’s the cutest man in the office and the warehouse. He’s funny, and he understands the importance of spaghetti.
Cons: His breakup trick is a little too devious even for the cruelest of humans.

3. Dwight K. Schrute

NBC

Pros: Your life would always be intense with Dwight. He’s very up on nerd culture, and he’d take Hogwarts Houses just as seriously as you do. You’d always have a place to live at Schrute Farms, and also, you’d stop being so afraid of bears.
Cons: Dwight probably smells like beets a lot, which can’t be a good combination on top of his mustard-colored clothes. He’s slightly less of a kiss ass than is Gabe, but he’s still pretty kiss ass-ish.

2. Michael Scott

NBC

Pros: Michael is hilarious. From his “That’s what she said” jokes to the things he says by complete accident, he’s the funniest guy in the office. Hands down. He’s also the sweetest. You’d never be bored with Michael Scott in your life. He’s my personal fave.
Cons: He’s a little insane, like that time he proposed to a woman he’d gone on nine dates with IN PUBLIC. He can also be a little very racially offensive. See “Diversity Day” for proof.

1. Jim Halpert

NBC

Pros: His entire personality is a pro. Jim literally only screwed up once in his life, and even that worked out. He’s tall, handsome, a good friend, a better husband, an adorable dad, and he’s just the BEST. He’ll buy you a house, wait for you to realize how much you love him, buy you tickets to get married on a boat in private because your real wedding might be a disaster, and damn, so much more. You’d be lucky to have a Jim.
Cons: He is perfect for Pam and Pam alone.

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