2. A mug you'll hide in a dark corner until you accidentally come across it like Jumanji and it turns your entire world into a cruel, uncomfortable game.
5. Stress mushrooms that you jerk off 'til you feel better...which, like, at this point, just go somewhere and jerk off the real thing? You're making everyone so uncomfortable.
13. This nightmare rabbit doll that, from the side, looks as if he sheared the face off another rabbit doll and attached it to his own.
19. "The Filthy Mermaid," a monthly subscription box delivered to people that like the thought of being — or penetrating — a fish.
23. A terrifying mobile that gives a baby the impression that a mommy will eat his sisters one by one.
26. Anything Charmin. Like, can I just once watch a television show and not have it interrupted by cartoon bears talking about how grody and chapped their doodyholes are? Cool.
The reviews for this post have been edited for length and clarity.