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Can You Get Through This Post Without Spending $50?

Sloth planters, bread pillows, and LifeStraws. How far can *you* get without buying something?

Welcome to another edition of “Can You Get Through This Post Without Spending $50?”

I am your host, Betsy. I, unfortunately, am not Jeff. But fear not! I share his affinity for finding cool interweb doodads — as well as disturbing Amazon products!

So, you know the game! Try to make it through this ENTIRE POST without buying something.

Don't plan on buying anything? That's okay! Stay for what is — normally — a *classic* Jeff Pun Parade, but is instead this week a big ol' Betsy Goody Bag of Bleak, Fatalistic Non-jokes. Sorry in advance!

If you miss Jeff's puns, fill the comments with your own!


1. A set of banana erasers that seem surprisingly joyful, considering what their futures hold.

2. A pair of pot pincers for making you the first to win the lobster vs. pot-of-boiling-water game.

3. A party banner for celebrating wedded bliss.

4. A cactus lamp that emits a warm, desert glow without the sunburn and hallucinating.

5. This phone case.

6. A set of four coasters that are used to all sorts of temperamental moisture conditions.

7. A spoon rest that lets your spoon...rest.

8. A little sloth planter that holds plants near and dear to his little sloth heart.

9. A basket that big-spoons your staircase.

10. A mushroom night light, or: the cuter of the fungi that can grow on/in walls.

11. Decorative washi tape for doughnut-centric DIYs.

12. A plushie bread loaf to support you physically and emotionally after a long day.

13. Catnip French baguettes for cats who say "meow" but mean "Paris is always a good idea."

14. A terra cotta garlic that roasts garlic garlic.

15. A T-shirt for celebrating freedom.

16. A rib rack. Also for celebrating freedom.

17. A motivational office nameplate.

18. This personal water filtration thing called LifeStraw. Okay no jokes for this one, it's actually pretty remarkable.

19. And six-piece Bear Papa screwdriver sets that look like Charmin bears but are far more useful and don't talk about genital lint while I'm trying to eat dinner.

RECORD SCREECH. That's it! I hope you enjoyed! If not, soothe yourself with puns from last week's "Can You Get Through" challenge by Jeff himself. Until next time!

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