51 Questions You Should Get Answers To Before A Second Date
This won't work if you don't let me have the window seat.
1. What will your response be when you ask me which movie I want to watch and I say, "I don't mind, you choose"? Because if you're going to throw an "Oh no, you can choose" back in my face, we could be here all day and I'm just not prepared for that kind of relationship.
2. Have you ever burped in the middle of making out? I will accept a lot. But this? You're asking too much.
3. What is your stance on farting in front of your partner? There really is only so long I can hold it in.
4. How much of the bed are you willing to sacrifice? A 50-50 split just won't do. I get at least 70% or we're done here.
5. This should be a no-brainer, but what are your thoughts on dogs and, in particular, puppies? Believe it or not, there are actually some people that aren't on board with cute pups. If this is the case, best to weed that out ASAP.
6. Have you ever finished the milk and put the empty bottle back in the fridge? Satan could not even contend with you.
7. Have you ever told somebody you're five minutes away when you haven't even showered yet? This is cool, just don't do it to me.
8. If we ever go on holiday together, will you let me have the window seat on the plane? I don't want to, but I will fight you if it comes to it.
9. Do you have One Direction posters in your bedroom? Acceptable on no scale.
10. Do you have Star Wars or Barbie bed sheets? I can't sleep with Darth Vader on top of me.
11. Do you wear odd socks every day? I'm sorry, that's too thug life for me.
12. How clean is your bathroom? I would rather not have to tiptoe around stray pubes whenever I want to use the toilet.
13. Does your birthday fall on any major holidays? My salary does not allow for buying birthday and Christmas presents in the same time period.
14. Who is your most listened to artist on iTunes? I'm not one to judge but that's a whole lot of Britney I'm seeing.
15. What's your stance on Crocs? This is important and should probably have been asked first.
16. While we're talking about footwear, how do you feel about socks and sandals? There's kind of only one answer to this, but it's best to check and be on the safe side.
17. Is your email address still "lil_mizz_pink" or "rude_bwoii_93"? We can just end things here if so.
18. How are you at playing guitar? It would be nice to be serenaded sometimes, you know?
19. Do you still have a BlackBerry? Seriously, let it go.
20. What's your go-to shower song and will you take requests? Some mornings, I just want somebody to sing pretty things to me.
21. Have you ever left a damp towel on the bathroom floor? There's a place reserved in the darkest pits of hell for people like you.
22. Will you order a salad if we eat out? Please don't bring shame upon my table like that.
23. Have you ever complained to a waiter that there was a hair in your food to get a discount on the bill even though there wasn't even a hair in your food? You can pull this shit when we're married and I have no choice but to accept it. But if you do it on a date, you may as well crack out a 2-for-1 voucher and agree to never see me again.
24. What does your recently used emojis page look like? Is that…eggplant…and peach…tut.
25. Do you have a creepy roommate I should be made aware of? I don't want to be sneaking to the bathroom in the dead of night to find him creeping about outside the bedroom door.
26. On a scale of 1-10, how much will you judge me if, hypothetically, I could eat an entire packet of Oreos in less than 90 seconds? I said ~hypothetically~ bc this would never happen, obviously.
27. How clingy are you going to get three dates from now? Will I need to physically pry you off me?
28. If we commit to a TV programme together, will you ever watch it without me? There is one word that perfectly describes doing this: cheating.
29. How many episode of Friends can you watch in one sitting? If we can't watch at least half of one season, maybe we should just cut our ties here.
30. If I was ill, what flavour soup would you cook me? To be clear, none is not an option and chicken is of course correct.
31. If there were one red Fruit Pastille left in a packet, what would you do with it? If your answer isn't offering it to me, you can find your own way to the door.
32. What level have you reached on Candy Crush? If it's higher than me, it will cause some serious tension.
33. Have you ever sent a Facebook game request on purpose? I'm all down if you want to play Farmville, but don't rope other people into your shameless life.
34. What's your favourite Disney movie? The correct answer begins with "H" and ends with "ercules".
35. Can you name all five members of the Spice Girls? I won't ask who your favourite is because that will cause too many arguments.
36. OK no, who's your favourite Spice Girl? Need-to-know information.
37. Do you know all the lyrics to "Black Magic" yet? I can teach you if you need lessons.
38. Which Hogwarts house do you belong to? I can't date a Hufflepuff, I'm sorry.
39. Do you stop to speak to sales reps in the street? Or do you awkwardly pretend to look anywhere else, like me?
40. Have you ever checked into a first class lounge just so people know you're a pretty big deal? It only cost £15 more than standard, don't get too excited.
41. What are your thoughts on me using one of your hoodies from time to time? And by time to time, I obviously mean taking the hoodie home with me and adopting it as my own.
42. Have you ever embarrassed a former partner by getting the dance moves to the Macarena wrong? This should've been learned at birth. How are you getting this wrong?
43. Have you ever argued with a stranger in a celebrity's Instagram comments? You keep doing you, but do it away from me.
44. How many psychotic exes do I have to worry about? Do I need to lock my door and reinforce my windows?
45. Have you ever watched Titanic and not cried? Only someone without a heart would never have cried and I'm just not sure I can commit knowing this information beforehand.
46. Do you know all the words to the following: Dirty Dancing, Grease, High School Musical? That means all three High School Musicals btw. We have a lot of ground to cover and I will need your 100% dedication to the task at hand.
47. Have you ever camped outside the Apple store for the new iPhone? I'm all about camping, but not this kind.
48. Have you ever fallen asleep in the cinema and snored so loudly you got kicked out? We did not give up a mortgage to pay for a ticket for you to get us thrown out with your feral noises.
49. Have you ever been for a cheeky Nando's? If you have a Black Card then this is OK.
50. Would you write cute messages on the mirror after you've had a shower? If you wouldn't then maybe you should start. It's fun, honest!
51. Wait, are we actually going on a second date? It's best not to assume these things, so just checking.