back to top

I Rewatched "Crazy, Stupid, Love" And Realised Everybody Is Terrible, Just FYI

Great movie, terrible characters.

Posted on

So you probably know about the movie Crazy, Stupid, Love. It stars Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling and yeah, it's an alright movie I guess.

Warner Bros

Except when you start to look a little closer, you realise that literally almost every character in the movie is absolute trash.

Warner Bros

So let's dive straight in and start with Ryan Gosling, or Jacob. Jacob is literally the worst. Hot AF, but such an asshole.

He's your typical "I'm good-looking so I can have whatever I want, whenever I want it" man. He's arrogant and kind of repulsive once you get past the fact he's pretty.
Warner Bros

He's your typical "I'm good-looking so I can have whatever I want, whenever I want it" man. He's arrogant and kind of repulsive once you get past the fact he's pretty.

For one, he literally tells Emma Stone (who plays Hannah) that he's been staring at her for two hours. He seems to think this gives him the luxury of taking Hannah home to bang, even though it's just kinda creepy.

Warner Bros
Advertisement

And when Hannah straight-up says she doesn't find him attractive, he doesn't believe her and refuses to take no for an answer.

Warner Bros

*cough* TYPICAL STRAIGHT MAN.

His pulling techniques in general are just terrible. He actually looks at a girl and says, "Hey, fancy face, you wanna go?"

Warner Bros

But aside from being actual trash to women, he's pretty awful to men too. Like when he takes Cal's trainers and throws them off the top of a multistorey shopping centre.

That could've seriously injured somebody!
Warner Bros

That could've seriously injured somebody!

He also keeps slapping Cal as a term of endearment.

Warner Bros

So yes, although he turns out kind of OK in the end, Jacob is trash.

Advertisement

Talking of Cal, he's not much better tbqhwy. One of the first things he does is throw himself out of a moving car because his wife asks for a divorce, which... Well, it's a bit much.

Warner Bros

When he sees Jacob for the first time surrounded by women, he just assumes he's gay because of course.

Warner Bros

And after he's done his handiwork, Cal basically just turns into an older version of douchebag Jacob, which we've already established isn't great.

Warner Bros

Cal's son Robbie might only be 13, but that doesn't exclude him from being trash too. When his babysitter catches him masturbating, he tells her that he has a picture of her and looks at it the whole time, which is just awkward for everybody involved.

Warner Bros
Advertisement

He then continuously tells Jessica throughout the movie that he's in love with her despite the fact she tells him it makes her uncomfortable.

Warner Bros

He literally says the words "I'm not gonna stop sending Jessica text messages that make her feel uncomfortable" – because that is obviously the way to win a girl's heart.

Cal taught you well, Robbie.
Warner Bros

Cal taught you well, Robbie.

And when he doesn't get his way, he just gets mad.

Warner Bros

I'm not saying he's a typical man but...

But before you start shouting that this is just me being a man-hater, let's take a look at the women. Jessica is...well, she's just seriously problematic.

She's in love with her dad's best friend, who is also the father of the kids that she babysits for, and she's not exactly very good at hiding it.
Warner Bros

She's in love with her dad's best friend, who is also the father of the kids that she babysits for, and she's not exactly very good at hiding it.

Advertisement

She actually takes naked pictures for Cal even though she is 17 years old, which is counted as child pornography in many places around the world.

Warner Bros

And at the very end of the movie, the most problematic thing happens when she gives the naked photos to Robbie as a "graduating middle school" present. Robbie is 13!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Warner Bros

OK, so those are the main culprits but there are a couple more. There's Emily, who asks for a divorce from Cal after sleeping with someone else, which is just pretty shitty.

Warner Bros

There's the person she cheated on Cal with, David Lindhagen, who slept with someone he knew was married and then proceeded to make her feel uncomfortable in the workplace.

Warner Bros
Advertisement

Hannah's boyfriend literally sets up the expectation that he's going to propose when really he's just going to offer her a job, which is kind of insulting.

Warner Bros

And then there's Madison, a girl at school who encourages Jessica to take naked pictures and send them to Cal even though it's technically child pornography.

Warner Bros

Hannah's only fault is that she dates Jacob even though he's an asshole. And she kind of doesn't break up with her boyfriend properly before going to bang him but whatever.

Warner Bros
  1. OK, so I've had my rant (and feel so much better for it), now it's your turn to decide: Who's actually the worst?

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Jacob
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Cal
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Robbie
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Jessica
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Emily
    Correct
    Incorrect
    David
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Hannah's boyfriend
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Madison
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Hannah
Oops. Something went wrong. Please try again later
Looks like we are having a problem on the server.
OK, so I've had my rant (and feel so much better for it), now it's your turn to decide: Who's actually the worst?
  1.  
    vote votes
    Jacob
  2.  
    vote votes
    Cal
  3.  
    vote votes
    Robbie
  4.  
    vote votes
    Jessica
  5.  
    vote votes
    Emily
  6.  
    vote votes
    David
  7.  
    vote votes
    Hannah's boyfriend
  8.  
    vote votes
    Madison
  9.  
    vote votes
    Hannah

Regardless of your answer, I think we can all agree that Hannah's bestie is the best character in the whole movie.

Warner Bros
 
Take quizzes and chill with the BuzzFeed app.