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Would You Survive Marriage To Henry VIII?

Or would he chop off your head?

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  1. Do you have wide hips for child-bearing?

    Portrait of an Unknown Woman attributed to Marcus Gheeraerts II
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    Your fertility is of the utmost importance to Henry VIII

    He’ll be looking for someone who can bear him a child – and more importantly a son. So those womanly hips and fruitful womb are vital.

  2. Do you expect your S.O. to stay faithful to you?

    La Grande Questione by Emanuel Leutze
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    You're going to need to tolerate Henry's antics

    Henry VIII is the ultimate medieval fuck boy, and no matter how special he makes you feel when he’s courting you, as soon as you’re married and trying to get pregnant he’s going to start humping your attractive maidservant. Just look what happened to Anne Boleyn. She was his sexy mistress while he was with Katherine of Aragon, but once they got together he quickly moved on to Anne’s maid Jane Seymour.

  3. If your partner cheated on you, how would you react?

    Katherine of Aragon by William Maw Egley
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    Henry is going to cheat on you, and you need to put up with it

    Anne Boleyn was accused of plotting to kill Henry, partly because of her jealousy over his affair with her maid, Jane Seymour. You’ll need to politely ignore the King’s shenanigans if you want to keep your head.

    Henry is going to cheat on you, and you need to put up with it
    Via Anne Boleyn
  4. Have you ever been described as meek?

    Jane Seymour by Hans Holbein the Younger
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    Henry found meekness an attractive trait in a woman

    Jane Seymour, arguably his favourite wife, was extremely passive, described as “gentle a lady as ever I knew” by Henry’s minister John Russell. Jane died after giving birth to a son, Edward, in 1537, and Henry actually grieved for her.

  5. Do you come from an influential family?

    Anne of Cleves by Hans Holbein the Younger
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    Henry VIII is less likely to kill you if have an influential family

    Anne of Cleves survived her marriage to Henry and was cooly divorced rather than beheaded. Partly this may have been because Henry wanted to avoid a major diplomatic incident with her powerful German family.

  6. Your new heavily overweight husband has a weeping, gangrenous leg. What do you do about it?

    analitik.chem.its.ac.id
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    Get in that milk bath, bitch!

    When Henry VIII married Katherine Parr he was in a bad state. His leg, wounded years before in a hunting accident, was ulcerous and infected. But Katherine dutifully performed her role as his devoted wife nonetheless.

    Get in that milk bath, bitch!
    Via Katherine Parr
  7. Have you ever had sex?

    Henry VIII's first interview with Anne Boleyn by Daniel Maclise
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    Henry better not find out you’ve had any previous partners, or it’ll be off with your head

    That’s what happened to Henry’s teenage bride, Katherine Howard. She’d been sexually abused as a child, and then probably raped by Thomas Culpepper. When Henry found out about her sexual history, he beheaded her.

    Henry better not find out you’ve had any previous partners, or it’ll be off with your head
    Via Katherine Howard

Would You Survive Marriage To Henry VIII?

He chopped off your head – bad luck!

Soz, but you’re a too much of an independent woman for Henry’s liking. Your days will end bloodily in the Tower of London.

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Henry divorced you!

Henry might not hate you enough to chop off your head – well done. You might even escape the marriage with a couple of royal residences under your belt.

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Congratulations, you survived marriage to Henry VIII!

Henry would love you – whether you’d be truly happy is another matter.

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