11 People You'll Definitely Work With At Some Point In Your Life

Warning: Some of these people may be disguised in suits.

1. The queen of leftovers:

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A new day, a new Tupperware filled with a blobby mound of yesterday’s dinner. The food is usually reheated at about 12:23pm, filling the office with the heady scent of twice-cooked broccoli and putting everyone else off their lunch.

2. The incredibly powerful person with mysterious responsibilities:

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He drifts about the office with his laptop nestled in the crook of his arm, way too important to log off. His job title is suitably awesome – something like Associate Executive of Strategy. But when you think about it, what has he actually ever done? Never ask, for you will be fired.

3. Matt:

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Looks a bit like that guy Rob who works in the same department.

4. Rob:

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You have permanent anxiety that you accidentally called him Matt.

5. Dan:

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Looks like Matt and Rob, but with a slightly different stripe formation on his shirt.

6. The Boss:

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In the same way it’s hard to imagine Donald Trump was ever just a harmless little kid playing with his ball, it’s hard to imagine The Boss was ever a low-ranking staff member like you. Plus, aren’t you already three years older than she was when she became the boss? You’re doing something wrong and it’s probably pheromones.

7. The desk slave:

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She gets in early, leaves late, produces shitloads of work, and spends so much time in her chair she's starting to take on its shape. She's an exemplary employee, and no one likes an exemplary employee except for management, and who likes management? No one.

8. The oracle:

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AKA the hideous office gossip, but you would never call him that because then he would talk about you. His currency is other people’s mistakes, misfortunes, bad dress sense, and drunken misbehaviour, and he uses it to buy immense popularity.

9. The intern:

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She’s blown everyone away with her great ideas and natural talent, but there’s one thing that she really must get the hang of before she can even dream of proper responsibility or the living wage. Tea-making. Her tea-making needs work. What exactly are they teaching people at university these days anyway?

10. Banana-shoe man:

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He works in commercial. Or sales. Or ad sales. Or commercial ad sales. His weird pointy shoes are as enthusiastic as his banter. What could lurk inside them? Perhaps 10 exceptionally long, thin toes just waiting to be revealed to the lucky lady.

11. The person working from home:

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Email sent at 9:31am:

Hi all – going to be working from home today if that’s OK. Got tons to be getting on with and need to concentrate. On email if you need me.
Cheers.