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How Crap Are You At Being An Adult?

(But fucking BRILLIANT at being a ginormous child.)

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  1. Tick off all the things that are true:

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    I sometimes leave the bed sheets on until they are slightly grey in the middle and smell of bodies.
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    There is usually a layer of dust on my ornaments.
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    I don't own any ornaments.
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    I’ve spotted dust clumps nestled among a tangle of wires in my home and left them there.
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    I’ve noticed that all the wires are tangled but ignored it.
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    I have recently eaten cereal for dinner.
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    I have recently eaten cereal for lunch.
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    I have eaten children’s cereal for dinner.
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    I have eaten children’s cereal for lunch.
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    I often go a whole day without eating a single vegetable.
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    I count ketchup as a vegetable.
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    My favourite food is McDonald's.
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    I haven’t hoovered for more than two weeks.
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    I’ve hoovered, but left out the awkward areas like down the side of the wardrobe and under the bed.
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    All I want to do all day is eat dougnuts.
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    I have a “clothes chair”.
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    I sometimes scrunch my clothes up into the drawer instead of folding them.
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    I have eaten a big bag of Haribo to myself.
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    I have eaten a whole tub of ice cream.
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    I’ve been known to wear the same socks for several days in a row.
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    I’ll occasionally wear the same underwear for more than a day.
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    I sometimes wear creased clothes straight off the drying rack.
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    You will often find me madly ironing in the morning and making myself late because everything is crumpled and I didn’t get round to ironing the night before.
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    I don’t pay my bills as soon as they arrive.
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    I sometimes don’t pay my bills even after the first reminder.
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    I have managed to still not pay a bill even when I got a final warning letter in BIG RED CAPITAL LETTERS.
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    I’ve noticed that the water isn’t draining from the shower, and know there is a hair blockage, but I’ve left it.
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    I’ve seen the grey ring around the bath but instead of cleaning the bath, I’ve just had a bath and then vaguely tried to rub the grey away with my hand and some soapy water.
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    I’ve had friends round for dinner and served food with a “posh” sauce from a plastic packet.
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    I’ve had friends round for dinner and served them a ready meal or takeaway.
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    I’ve gone into a strop about something in the last two weeks.
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    I’ve gone into a strop about something in public in the last two weeks.
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    I’m aware that I should probably think about mortgages and other grown-up things, but I haven’t quite got round to doing anything about it yet.
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    I have literally never even considered mortgages.
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    I have no savings.
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    I have savings but they are for holidays, clothes, and nice shiny presents for me.
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    I don’t have a pension.
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    Responsibility fills me with dread.
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    I have stayed in bed until noon more than once in the last two weeks.
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    I go to bed far too late on weeknights.
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    I never read the news.
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    I can’t be arsed to vote.
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    I would only empty a hoover if it was literally exploding with dust and refusing to work anymore.
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    And even then I don't actually know where the hoover bags are.
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    I rarely bother to recycle.
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    I sometimes wash all my clothes together, regardless of colour.
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    I avoid DIY unless I'm absolutely forced to do it.
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    I never iron.
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    When things are broken, I usually throw them away or kindly donate them to charity.
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    I can't sew.
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    I can’t drive.
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    I haven’t been to the dentist or hygienist for more than a year.
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    My toilet has those yellow limescale stains at the bottom but I don’t have a clue what to do about it.
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    I have never cleaned a toilet.
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    I have no insurance for anything.
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    When people stay at my house they make do with a sleeping bag on the sofa.
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    I haven’t spoken to my grandparents or other elderly relatives for more than a month.
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    None of my plates match.
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    I don't own plates – I just use my housemate's.
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    I have never baked anything.
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    I have baked a handful of times, but it went wrong most of those times.
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    I eat chocolate or sweets most days.
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    I don’t know really know how to cook a sophisticated meal without looking at a recipe book.
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    Jacket potato with salad and all the trimmings is a posh dinner that I would serve to friends.
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    I don't have dinner parties.
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    I use the same towel without washing it for more than a week.
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    My soap is currently sitting in a pool of soap juice with a pube hidden underneath it.
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    I don’t own any shoes that aren’t trainers.
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    I don’t own any trousers that aren’t jeans.
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    All of my jumpers are sweatshirts.
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    I would wear trainers to a wedding.
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    I would wear jeans to a wedding.
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    I would wear jeans and/or trainers to a smart restaurant.
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    I’ve been known to turn up to a dinner party with no wine or present.
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    I have left the washing-up for more than a day.
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    I have only washed a floor a few times in my whole life.
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    I don't buy all my shopping for the week in advance.
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    I buy food as I go and that food is usually pasta.
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    There is a often a white spattering of dried toothpaste on my mirror.
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    I don't get people birthday cards.
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    I always forget everyone's birthdays.
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    I wouldn't describe myself as a grown-up.
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    I've been known to say, "I don't want to be a grown-up."
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    I've been known to say, "Grown-ups are boring."
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    I still play a lot of games.
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    There is nothing in this world that depends on me for its survival, not even a plant.
 
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