America: You Can't Have A President Called Donald Fart

    Donald Fart.

    Hi America! We need to chat.

    Maybe you’ve already heard this. Maybe you’ve got a British friend who’s mentioned it. BUT YOU CLEARLY HAVEN’T TAKEN IT ON BOARD.

    We need to talk about what a “trump” is.

    You've got a lot of trump stuff in your country. You've got Trump towers and Trump head gear:

    A Trump Taj Mahal and fucking Trump bottled water:

    You have a guy who genuinely could become the president, called Donald Trump.

    Guys, in Britain a trump is a fart.

    It’s a fart!

    It’s gas, a toot, a poot, a stinker.

    It’s a big, disgusting, feculent blast of foul-smelling methane emitted from someone’s rectum accompanied by a rapid vibration of their anal sphincters.

    Trumps are funny at first. For, like, a few seconds.

    But then they’re disgusting. They clear rooms. They repulse people.

    You can't have a president called Donald Fart.

    Well I mean, you can. But we'll laugh at you. Your call.