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Who Is Actually Your Patron Saint?
What would you even be doing right now if you didn’t have the internet? Not taking BuzzFeed quizzes, that’s for sure. It’s scary to even think about. We should all be giving a little blessing to St. Isidore every night before bed and every morning when we wake up.
Menstrual cramps, leg cramps, stomach cramps… doesn’t matter what kind, all cramps are the fucking worst, and only St. Cadoc of Llancarvan can protect you against them. (Also, staying hydrated helps.)
The haters are always going to try to tear you down, but with the protection of St. Drausinus of Soissons, you can at least keep them at bay.
If you truly want that BF to be for F, look no further than the saint of the friend-zone himself, St. John the Apostle.
If you want to get paid, you’re probably going to want to call on the blessing of the Infant Jesus of Prague, which isn’t THE Jesus, but a sacred statue of the big man himself.
May as well make your peace with St. Biniana at the beginning of the night, cause you’re definitely not going to remember to do it at the end of the night, and you’re going to be regretting it in the morning if you don’t. (May want to drink lots of water and take an Aspirin before bed too. That always helps.)
Without liberal arts programs, there would be no pedantic English majors correcting your grammar, or snobby arts students loudly critiquing avant-garde cinema in line at the bank, or history majors to work as hosts and hostesses at IHOP. The world would be a dark place indeed.
Next time you’re running late and trying to get out the door and find your keys exactly where you expected to find them, make sure to give a little not to St. Zita. You’re definitely going to want to stay on her good side.
The patron saint of thirst. If you’re ever watching "Magic Mike” or a rerun of the "Golden Girls" on TV (don’t judge) and start to feel like you’re getting a little too worked up, Mary Magdelene is there for you.
Think about it. Without TV writers, there wouldn’t be TV. Without TV, there wouldn’t be any Netflix. Without Netflix, how would you watch four seasons of “The West Wing” in one weekend?
The winegrowers of the world need all the help they can get keeping you drunk on the house red during happy hour.
Most caterpillars are harmless, but you can never be too careful.