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    18 Foods America Insists On Fucking Up

    "We'll take it from here." –America

    1. Sushi as perfected by the Japanese:

    studiocasper / Getty Images

    The art of sushi-making goes back centuries, and even our modern interpretation of the dish dates back to the end of the Edo period.

    Sushi in America:

    We put it on Pringles.

    2. A rustic, Italian-inspired chicken parmigiana dish:

    Lauripatterson / Getty Images

    Chicken parmigiana as we know it is probably already an Italian-American dish to begin with, but it's inspired by several classic Italian dishes such as costelette Parmigiana and melanzane alla Parmigiana.

    Chicken parmigiana in modern America:

    We took something great and made it awful! Now we call it "chizza," which is short for "chicken pizza" and no thanks.

    3. Fresh and delicious Baja fish tacos:

    Thecrimsonmonkey / Getty Images

    There's no dish more suited for summer than a fish taco. This classic street food most likely has its origins in the Baja region of Northern Mexico and Southern California, and has been keeping surfers fed since the 1950s.

    Fish tacos in the rest of America:

    We kind of figured out the fish part and the tortilla part and then everything went downhill from there.

    4. Refreshing gazpacho from Spain, the precursor to tomato soup:

    Seqoya / Getty Images

    It's hard for any region to claim classic tomato soup as their own, but the Andalusia province in Spain has been making variations of gazpacho since the Moors landed on the Iberian Peninsula in the eighth century.

    Tomato soup in America:

    5. A stunning piece of salmon temaki sushi (aka hand-rolled makizushi) from Japan:

    Joannatkaczuk / Getty Images

    Temaki is another very popular style of sushi where the ingredients are piled into a cone of nori, which is then eaten with your hands instead of chopsticks.

    Hand-rolled salmon sushi in America:

    Why settle for seaweed when we've got all these perfectly good waffle cones sitting around?

    6. Traditional tacos from Mexico:

    Rez-art / Getty Images

    The exact origins of the modern-day taco are unclear. Most seem to agree that they came from Mexico, and may even predate the arrival of Europeans.

    An American take on tacos:

    "Taco" and "blizzard" are two words that should never be used together.

    7. Traditional pizza from Naples, Italy:

    Jupiterimages / Getty Images

    The dish we call pizza has been evolving for centuries. Pizza originated in Naples, Italy, in the late 18th century, and cheese was first added in the late 19th century when a pizza-maker named Raffaele Esposito topped a pizza with red tomato, green basil, and white mozzarella cheese in honor of the Italian flag.

    Pizza in America:

    Sorry about your legacy, Raffaele.

    8. The shrimp po' boy, classic Louisiana Creole street food:

    Warren_price / Getty Images

    This one is actually American in origin, but can be traced back to Louisiana Creole cuisine, which blends tastes and techniques from several areas including France, Spain, and West Africa. Po' boys come in many varieties, but the most traditional version includes fried shrimp and oysters.

    What the po' boy has become:

    Let's just put chicken nuggets on bread and call it a "chicken po' boy." Nobody will notice.

    9. A warm, gooey chile relleno from Puebla, Mexico:

    Lauripatterson / Getty Images

    The traditional version of this dish was just a roasted poblano pepper stuffed with meat. The more modern fried version usually contains soft, white cheese from Chihuahua or Oaxaca and comes covered in sauce.

    America's take on the chile relleno:

    Excuse me, waiter? Can you let the kitchen staff know that they've mistakenly given me someone's plate of vomit instead of the chile relleno I ordered? Thanks.

    10. Did you know that a traditional parfait from France is actually a frozen dessert similar to a semifreddo?

    Serghei Starus / Getty Images

    It's true! The name of the dessert translates to "perfect" in French. It was originally something closer to soft ice cream, rather than the layered cream and fruit version that later became popular in the United States.

    And then there's the American parfait:


    11. Hearty, filling bratwurst from Germany:

    Alexpro9500 / Getty Images

    There's some debate in Germany as to which region we have to thank for these delicious sausages. Both Bavaria and Thuringia have legitimate claims to the dish that they can back up with documents dating clear back to the early 1300s.

    Bratwurst in the US:

    In 1313, a council in Nuremberg declared that for a bratwurst to be authentic, the only meat it could contain was pork. They didn't say anything about gummy bears, though.

    12. Rich, creamy hummus from the Middle East:

    Robynmac / Getty Images

    This simple dish made from tahini and chickpeas dates back to 13th-century Egypt, and is a fundamental part of Levantine cuisine, making it a popular dish throughout the modern-day Middle East (and the rest of the world too!).

    Hummus in America:

    Nothing says "authentic" like when food retains the shape of the can it came in.

    13. Tangy, delicious deviled eggs, originally from Rome, but popular throughout Europe:

    Kazak97 / Getty Images

    Deviled eggs are older than you could have possibly imagined, with the very first recipes dating back to fourth-century Rome, and the most modern interpretation dating back to 13th-century Spain. The dish remains a popular hors d'oeuvre in many European countries, especially during holidays.

    Deviled eggs in America:

    "Just add a dash of love."

    14. Traditional Japanese ramen:

    Nattul / Getty Images

    Even though ramen has become synonymous with Japan, there's some scholarly debate as to its origins. It's likely that ramen was originally a Chinese dish that made its way into Japan sometime between the 1600s and early 1900s, depending on who you ask.

    Ramen in America:

    Deep-fried, covered in cheese, and sliced.

    15. A classic Tex-Mex burrito:

    Elena_danileiko / Getty Images

    The tradition of using tortillas to wrap food dates back to pre-Columbian Mesoamerican societies throughout modern-day Mexico and Central America. The origins of the modern burrito are a bit of a mystery, but they likely came about in Northern Mexico or Southern California in the 18th or 19th century.

    A burrito in modern America:

    Listen, we loved the basic building blocks you gave us, but we've come up with some innovative new ideas that we think you're really going to love.

    16. Time-honored English mashed potatoes:

    Yelenayemchuk / Getty Images

    The first recipe for mashed potatoes appeared in 1747 in a book called The Art of Cookery by English cookbook author Hannah Glasse. It's become a traditional dish in the UK and the US, and is often enjoyed on holidays.

    Mashed potatoes in America:

    If it's possible to make a food automatically squirt out of machine, you'd better believe America will find a way to do it.

    17. A traditional French cheese plate:

    Dmitrylityagin / Getty Images

    France's relationship with cheese goes back centuries, and cheese has really become a piece of French identity. Traditionally, a platter of at least three cheeses is served after dinner and before dessert.

    An American cheese plate:

    Cheese. On a plate.

    18. Teppanyaki cuisine in Japan:

    Va103 / Getty Images

    Teppenyaki is a more recent addition to Japan's long history of fine cuisine. It was first introduced in the 1940s when the restaurant chain Misono began to prepare food in a more Western style by grilling meat on a teppan, or iron griddle.

    Teppenyaki grills are often confused with hibachi grills, which use charcoal and have an open grate.

    Teppenyaki in America (aka hibachi):

    Hey guys, let's just use first initials next time. Okay?

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