back to top

30 Catastrophes That Plague The Life Of Every London Girl

You all deserve a medal.

Posted on

1. Many catastrophes strike on the underground, when you have to rugby tackle your way onto the train.

2. There’s that excruciating moment someone punches you in the boob.

3. London girls do their make-up en route. No seat means you're just going to HAVE to do it standing up.

4. There’s always some weirdo staring at you when you apply your lipstick.

5. Then the train suddenly jolts.

6. There's that inevitable stand off when a seat becomes free.

7. If it’s a member of the opposite sex they may do the gentlemanly thing and give you the seat.

But then you’re like hold up, I don’t NEED this seat I’m a feminist you know! I could stand up from Stanmore to Stratford if I wanted to. I’m a STRONG WOMAN.

8. More drama ensues when someone sits on your coat. At first it's no big deal but then you have to get up...

9. Once you’re on the platform there’s that horrific gust of wind coming out of the tube tunnel.

10. Underground dust flies into your freshly foundationed face.

11. Great, now you have all the germs in the world stuck on your forehead.

12. No time to fret. You were supposed to meet your friend on the platform. AAAH!

13. Single girls in London face a big dilemma: which dating fad to go for? Salsa speed dating, dating in the dark, group blind dates?

No matter what activity there is NOTHING worse than getting paired up with a total snoozefest of a person.

14. And they go on and on and on and on about their accountant job.

15. You turn to Tinder but then the app freezes right when you’ve swiped the man of your dreams.

16. Another London disaster: when you find out your morning rave class/sober disco dancing/80s boot camp is cancelled. HOW ELSE WILL YOU EXERCISE?

17. Or you make the shocking discovery that your favourite takeout sandwich has a whopping 800 calories.

18. It's okay because in London you do do a lot of rushing around - in heels and everything!

19. Easy now, stairs ahead...

20. FUKADFSHKUY8I2Q!!^^@^H = the sound you make when you get stuck in the escalator.

21. Even more catastrophic: you're running through Covent Garden and you get to the cobblestones. DUM DUM DUM.


22. Smart girls will carry heels in their bag and wear trainers when running around.

23. Great plan until you go for work drinks. Everyone else is rocking a sequin clutch and you look like you're going on a school trip.

24. London pollution is a biatch to your hair.

25. When you forget your dry shampoo it’s kind of a huge fiasco.

26. Even worse when you forget your deodorant.

27. A rush hour tube journey will leave you drenched in sweat.

28. Not just your own...

29. You're still DYING to read 50 Shades (just to see what the big deal is) but how can you read about Christian's erection in public???

30. Dapper gentlemen = danger zone. Especially when they stop you on the street to say...

But it's only to sell you a £300 haircut. Oh.

But you know what they say: girls who make it in London will make it anywhere.

Yes, that is what they say.