I hope you guys aren't wearing socks because I'm about to knock them right off.
Have you guys heard of the platypus? OK, yeah, duh, you probably have.
Did you know how gosh-darn, mother-flipping cool they are?!
1.Platypuses are the best at blocking out the haters because they can literally CLOSE THEIR EARS.
2.For those of you who think turning your ears off isn't cool enough (you're wrong, by the way; but, whatever), platypuses hunt with ELECTRICITY. Bzz, bzz, amirite?
3.They don't have a stomach. I KNOW what you're thinking: "What kind of bad-assery must they have to digest their food?"
4.If you said, "Electricity, schmelectricity. It's not like they're poisonious." WRONG-O. THEY ARE MOST DEFINITELY POISIONOUS. DON'T YOU GET BETWEEN A MALE PLATYPUS AND HIS LADY LOVE OR YOU WILL BE HURTIN' FOR CERTAIN.
5.Electricity? Meh. Poison? Meh. Stomachs? Meh. ALRIGHT FINE. How about the fact that the mama platypuses SECRETE MILK FROM THEIR SKIN. MAMA PLATYPUSES DON'T HAVE NIPPLES.
6.OK, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "But Audrey, humans are cool because they have stomachs and nipples." That's your own opinion, but fine. However, wouldn't it be cooler if we had WATERPROOF FUR? PLATYPUSES DO.
7.You think you're better than a platypus because you have teeth? YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHING YET. Platypuses make that duck bill work.
8.Platypuses are one of five species LEFT ON EARTH that are mammals that also lay eggs. It's a bird! It's a reptile! NO. IT'S A PLATYPUS!
*cue platypus flying in the air with a Superman cape*
9.I'm going to dial it back and get personal now. I feel a bit weird talking about this (kind of like I'm violating a platypus), but this is a very fun fact: Platypuses have just one hole *ahem* down there.
10.It's such a strange and ugly little creature, people thought it was fake.
11.And finally, this is the least fun fact. Get ready. It's a doozy. The plural form is "platypuses" not "platypi".