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I Just Learned An Incredibly Disturbing Fact About Gru From "Despicable Me"

It's all I can think about.

It's not often that I think about Despicable Me. Basically, the only time I do is when someone says "banana" like a Minion (which is far more often than I'd care for).

But I learned something today so crazy that I can't stop thinking about Despicable Me now.

With a very simple Google search, I learned today that Minions are an average of 3.5 feet tall. How I got to the point in my life where I needed to Google the height of a Minion is none of your business.

That sounds about right to me. It's about the same height as a 5-year-old girl.

So, we've already accepted that the average Minion is 3'6", but brace yourself because...look at this movie poster.

Gru is nearly four Minions stacked making him almost...14 FEET TALL.

I just have one thing to say...

That makes him about five feet taller than the world's tallest man.

Now take a second to process this information because there's more.

In this universe of literal giants, Gru isn't even the tallest character in the movies.

Lucy, his wife, is even taller than he is!!!

And the oldest kid comes up to his is she, like, seven feet?????

Here is the same picture, but with Lady Gaga (who's 5'1") for scale.

And this revelation also must mean that the counter he's standing at is seven feet tall, too.

Even the furniture is gigantic!!!!!!!

But, wait! There's more! You'll also notice that the youngest is about the size of a Minion, which MAKES SENSE.

I don't know what happens during the formative years in Gru-land, but the growth rate is astonishing.

I mean, I don't know the actual growth rate because I'm a writer, not a doctor or mathematician, but to get from 3.5 feet to 13-14 feet is incredible and scary.

In any case, any time you think you're hot snot, any time you think you're big and tough, or any time you think you can take on the world, just remember that Gru from Despicable Me can punt you like a football.