21 Husbands And Wives Share The Weird Things They Learned About Their Spouse After Marrying Them
"My wife talks in her sleep. And not like, 'I forgot milk.' More like, 'Do you think hot dogs are steak dicks?'"
Anyone who's married knows that sometimes you don't find out the weirdest things about your spouse until after you say "I do."
Well, I stumbled upon this old Reddit thread in which Reddit user iamtanz asked married people to share the weirdest thing they discovered about their spouse after moving in together, and it's both hilarious and weird as hell:
1. "My wife makes sex noises while she sleeps. I didn't tell her about it until after she went on a weekend trip with her friends and they said something about it."
2. "I was friends with my husband for 16 years before we got engaged and moved in together. That's when I found out that he insists on sleeping fully clothed. Not in like a t-shirt and pajama bottoms — in his friggin' jeans, shirt, and even his shoes!"
4. "He sleeps with pieces of tissue in his ears because he believes his ears leak wax. I've never seen this happen."
5. "My wife talks in her sleep. And not like, 'I forgot milk.' More like, 'Do you think hot dogs are steak dicks?'"
'My favorite was when my wife said, in her sleep, 'You’re not gonna make it.' I asked, 'What?' and she said, 'You're not gonna make it to January.' When I asked her why, she responded, 'All the exercise.'"
6. "He likes to slap his own booty when he gets out of the shower. He has a certain beat that he keeps, and it's so very loud!"
7. "I found out that my wife is afraid of the dark. But not just random, dark, creepy, haunted-looking buildings and such. She's afraid to the point that if she is alone, she has to sleep with a night light or if the hallway is dark, she needs me to walk with her."
8. "He blows his nose into his towel and then dries off with it. He then hangs the towel over the shower rod so I always have to move his booger towel in order to shower. Sometimes his boogers even fall off into the tub. Just yuck, dude!"
9. "My wife brushes her teeth, then goes to pee. Then she comes to bed, we talk for 20 minutes, and she gets up to pee again. We talk for five minutes after that, I turn over, close my eyes, and go to sleep...then I hear the toilet flush again. This repeats until she falls asleep, and there's never more than 5 minutes since she last went pee."
10. "My husband's talking has no off switch. If I'm not listening, he just talks to himself. He has full on conversations with himself in the shower. He pauses YouTube videos to give commentary. He's pretty much only quiet when he sleeps...and even then, he snores!"
11. "Apparently, my wife does not poop. We have been together for about 15 years, and not once have I caught her crapping. It's disturbingly strange."
12. "He rips paper towels in half and saves the second half. I once collected them all, wrapped them, and gave them to him for Christmas!"
13. "She likes to walk around the house with one sock on and one sock off."
14. "My husband eats deviled eggs with ferocity! He literally forgets to take breaks in-between eggs to breathe and he even starts fucking sweating. My mother didn't believe me, so she made some for him for Christmas and got to witness the horror firsthand."
"He's a pretty fit dude who eats everything else normally."
15. "Her shoes. Shoes in the living room, shoes in the hall, shoes in the bathroom, shoes in the other bathroom, shoes under the kitchen table, shoes under the coffee table, shoes next to the bed, shoes under the bed, shoes on the bed. Shoes."
16. "My husband takes his shirt off to poop — I'm not sure why."
17. "Occasionally, my wife will just sit straight up in bed, dead asleep. The first few times I thought she was going to get up and go to the bathroom, but she just sat there. It wasn't until I tried to talk to her that I realized she was asleep. It's horrifying."
"Now I'm used to it, so I just rub her back and quietly say, 'Lay down, it's time to sleep.'"
18. "My husband is terrible at finding things. It can be front and center at eye level in the fridge and he can't find it! I used to hide his presents by putting them in the open on a chair in our bedroom — I called it my 'super-secret' hiding spot."
19. "My wife is incapable of keeping track of small, important items like her keys, wallet, or cellphone. If it can be lost, she will lose it."
20. "My husband falls asleep in the most awkward, uncomfortable positions. He will stay up playing a video game or watching TV on the couch, then fall asleep. But he doesn't lay down or lean his head back — he contorts himself into a human pretzel to sleep!"
21. "On the second day of us living together, my wife was like, 'Listen, I fart, OK?' and everything else has been smooth sailing ever since."
What about you? Did you discover something weird about your spouse after you moved in together? If so, you know we want to hear about it! Tell us the comments below!
Some responses have been edited for length and clarity.