Let's get straight to it — sex can be weird. Like, really weird.
Reddit user Draugrheim asked people to share their weirdest sexual experiences, and these are wildly hilarious:
1. "I was hooking up with a girl on her living room couch, and we were starting to move towards her bedroom when she asked if it was OK for her friends to watch us. I was really horny, so I said yes, and she opened the door to reveal wall-to-wall STUFFED ANIMALS! She even introduced me to a few of them first! But the weirdest part of all was when, during some very awkward sex, she pulled out a cat hand puppet and jerked me off with it. I got a puppet blow job!"
2. "I once hooked up with a guy who had a green screen set up in his room. So we got very high and decided to make a porno in space!"
3. "I had gotten stupid drunk after my nephew's 10th-birthday party, and I woke up hours later in a dark room, with my clothes in a heap on the floor, and a clown nose on the nightstand beside me. So I turned over, confused, to find that I was in bed next to a clown! Then I remembered: She was hired as part of the entertainment for the party. After her show, I had gone back to her place to drink, and we joked about how funny a hookup between us would be.
"It wasn't so much a walk of shame as a whole drive of shame!"
4. "Me and this girl were going at it and having a good time when she just stopped and froze. I asked her if everything was OK, and she said, 'Buffering...'"
5. "My new girlfriend was giving me a full-on blow job when my mom walked in and cheerfully asked if she was staying for dinner. I screamed for her to get out, and she closed the door and apologized. But then, through the door, she asked, 'But is she staying? And does she have any dietary requirements?'"
6. "I was in the middle of having sex with a guy in his car when suddenly he stopped, sat down, and expressed how worried he was about a robot alien invasion happening in 2050."
7. "The girl I was having sex with started meowing and then said, 'My kitty died nine times.'"
8. "I had gone on a date with a girl that ended up back at her house, where we started having sex on the couch in the basement. Well, I was happily on top, taking her on a trip to Pound Town, when I looked up and saw a Christmas tree hanging from the ceiling, pointed down at the floor. Then I noticed that the tree was surrounded by presents, also attached to the ceiling. We'd had a few drinks, so I thought I was hallucinating, until I asked the girl about it and she said it was a tradition to affix the tree to the basement ceiling."
9. "I met this extremely cute girl at a bar, and we ended up back at my place. Disappointingly, she was a complete dead fish in bed, so I got frustrated and said, 'You can do stuff, too.' So she thought for a moment, then leaned over and tickled my dick like it was a baby."
10. "When I woke up to find her gone and $200 on the nightstand."
11. "I was having sex with a girl I was dating when she started to go down on me under the blanket that was on my lap. Well, I felt what I thought was my phone cable on top of my legs, so I grabbed it. But when I yanked it out, she screamed! Turns out, I had ripped her headphones out of her ears, and she was watching and listening to a blow job tutorial on her phone."
12. "The first time I had sex, the girl asked me if she could cut me a little and suck the blood. I gulped and said, 'Sure,' thinking it must have been normal. She then made a little cut on her upper boob and told to me to have a taste. Fifteen-year-olds are so dumb."
13. "The person I was having sex with once grabbed my penis and started swinging it around while saying, 'Oh no! It's the piggly wiggly!'"
14. "I once had sex with a girl at a Halloween party while wearing a Slender Man morph suit."
15. "My wife and I were having sex doggy-style, and I pulled out too far. I tried to put myself back in but accidentally put it in her butt. Nope, not like anal — my penis just slid up between her butt cheeks, like sausage on a bun."
16. "One time, I had sex covered in glow-in-the-dark paint with nothing but black lights on. It was like fucking in the movie Tron."
17. "I was supposed to have group sex with a guy I was seeing, a female friend of mine, and two of my guy's friends. But when it came down to it, everyone backed out. But they didn't leave, so it was just me and my guy going at it naked while they watched in silence."
18. "I once had a one-night stand with a guy who was really into hypnotism, and he asked to hypnotize me first. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to pretend or if he wanted it to work for real, so I decided to pretend. Strange evening."
19. "My (now ex-)girlfriend had talked me into having sex at the park at night. On our way there, I noticed she was wearing a large backpack, but I didn't question it — I just figured it was drinks and stuff. Well, after three rounds of sex in the park, she said, 'OK, now for the real fun,' and she pulled a blindfold from her backpack and asked me, 'You trust me, right?' I said yes, so she blindfolded me and tied me to a tree, completely naked. But when I asked her what was next, she didn't respond. So I asked her if she was still there, and I heard her yell from a distance, 'Good luck getting home!'
Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.