Buzz·Posted on Mar 23, 202021 Seriously Funny Married People On Twitter Who Said What The Rest Of Us Are Afraid To"Marrying someone is easy. Staying married after going to IKEA on a Saturday with an empty stomach is not."by Asia McLainBuzzFeed StaffFacebookPinterestTwitterMailLink Anyone who is married will tell you it comes with the good, the bad, and the seriously funny: Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF E! Entertainment Television Well, we rounded up some of the funniest recent marriage tweets we could find, and these husbands and wives nail it like no other: 1. Just J @junejuly12 My husband annoyed me last night so I adjusted the toaster settings slightly this morning. 03:22 PM - 04 Mar 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 2. Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix My wife likes to keep the mystery in our relationship. For example, I never know what is going to arrive for her from Amazon today. 11:53 AM - 04 Mar 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 3. Maryfairyboberry @MaryJustice86 Marrying someone is easy. Staying married after going to IKEA on a Saturday with an empty stomach, is not. 06:34 PM - 03 Mar 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 4. WTFDAD @daddydoubts Me: you’re mad at me? Wife: no, not even sure why you would say that. Me: I can tell by the sound of you putting the plates away. Wife: fuck you and fuck those plates. Me: there it is. 02:42 AM - 26 Feb 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 5. Jessie @mommajessiec Husband: *bleeding* Me: *calling 911* Husband: Well, Well, Well. Look who’s on her phone again. 06:06 PM - 09 Feb 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 6. James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn Wife: What movie do you want to watch tonight? Me: Whatever will keep you awake past the opening credits. Wife: That movie doesn't exist. 01:04 AM - 23 Feb 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 7. mark @TheCatWhisprer There is no way to place my wife’s coffee order at Starbucks without feeling like I need to apologize afterwards. 03:15 PM - 22 Feb 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 8. Jawbreaker @sixfootcandy I ask my husband what show he wants to watch even though I’m going to choose because it’s important for him to feel like his opinion matters even though it really doesn’t. 06:17 PM - 25 Feb 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 9. Mom On The Rocks @mom_ontherocks Toddler: *tantrum* Husband: *gives her chocolate* Me: How did you know? Husband: [later] Me: What the fuck I am so done with today I feel like shit I hate the kids... Husband: *gives me chocolate* Me: Oh 03:08 PM - 28 Feb 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 10. Arianna Bradford @TheNYAMProject Why isn’t porn more realistic? Like why isn’t there one with a husband and wife and the wife chokes violently on her spit and the husband gets alarmed they spend a good 5 mins with her coughing and him smacking her on the back and then the mood is gone so they go get donuts? 08:14 PM - 08 Mar 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 11. Sassparilla @Megatronic13 -commercial break- Husband: *silent* -fight scene- Husband: *completely and utterly silent* -quiet dialogue scene- Husband: so let me tell you about the history of rockets 04:33 AM - 25 Feb 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 12. Maryfairyboberry @MaryJustice86 Traveling with your husband is fun because no matter where you go you’ll still end up in a Wal-Mart buying the one thing he was entrusted to pack. 02:37 PM - 16 Feb 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 13. Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP I know it sounds mean but when I’m mad at my wife and want to lash out, I blow out her scented candles when she’s not looking. 02:06 PM - 28 Feb 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 14. Lady Lawya @Parkerlawyer My husband washed my favorite sweatshirt (he’s so sweet) and I said please don’t put it in the dryer, it will shrink. Husband, taking clothes out of the dryer an hour later, “Here’s your favorite sweatshirt I washed for you! It looks smaller though, weird.” 02:18 AM - 24 Feb 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 15. Super Mark @supermarkusa My wife told me that to revive the spark in our marriage I should start treating her like I did when we first started dating so last night I took her to a movie and dropped her off at her parents house 01:11 PM - 19 Feb 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 16. Vision O’Bored ☘️ @VisionBored1 Dating: wake him with a blow job First married: wake him with a kiss Married 10 years: wake him with a fart 06:51 PM - 06 Mar 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 17. Abe Yospe @Cheeseboy22 My wife and I have an agreement: I get to hold the remote and she gets to make every other decision in our lives. 03:28 AM - 14 Feb 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 18. Mommy Owl @Lhlodder Tell me how tired you are so I can upstage you and tell you how much more tired I am. -marriage 08:50 PM - 14 Feb 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 19. Vision O’Bored ☘️ @VisionBored1 Her: My husband and I had sex all night last night. It was beyond amazing. Me: Well my husband took out the garbage, recycling, AND the green bin all at the same time so Her: Me: And my washer and dryer are empty 02:31 PM - 26 Feb 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 20. Maryfairyboberry @MaryJustice86 Rage vacuuming is like regular vacuuming except you’re married. 11:47 PM - 11 Feb 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite 21. smartass_moms @smartass_moms My husband and I had an argument yesterday, we went to bed angry. I woke up to a bacon egg & cheese. I thought wow... he's really making an effort. I ate it. Turns out it wasn't for me 🤣 02:01 PM - 07 Mar 2020 Reply Retweet Favorite If you think these husbands and wives are hilarious, too, you can follow them on Twitter for more funny tweets!