It's wedding season, and that means that lots of couples are getting ready to make the big, exciting leap into their own "Happily Ever After."
Well, a viral Reddit thread asked married people to share their advice to currently engaged couples, and their responses were seriously so much real:
1. "Your spouse is not responsible for your happiness, and you are not responsible for theirs."
2. "It's not always a 50/50 partnership. Each person has to be ready and willing to put in 100% when the other person cannot. Sometimes you have to give more, and the books may never balance out again, and that's OK!"
3. "It's great to love the person you are marrying, but make sure you also like them. If they weren't your spouse, would you still choose them as a friend, exactly the way they are now? Marry someone you don't feel compelled to change into someone else."
4. "It's never you against your spouse. It's always you and your spouse against the problem."
5. "It's OK to spend time alone together. Quite often, one of us will play video games, read, or watch TV while the other is doing something else in the same room (or another!). Don't mistake 'alone time' with 'I don't want to be with you' time."
6. "Kiss a lot. Physical contact builds your feelings of intimacy."
7. "The phrase, 'Don't go to bed mad' is BS. It's OK to take some time to calm down and revisit the issue later."
"'Never go to bed angry' is some of the worst advice we ever got. Sleep-deprived and cranky is no way to work out a problem."
"Going to bed angry is cathartic at times. It's amazing what a fresh day can do to an argument." —Pike_or_Kirk
8. "Listen to understand, not to solve their problem. You can't solve everything — you're not Ben & Jerry's!"
"You'll do a world of good if you just reassure the other person that you're available to them."
9. "Discuss finances early — once you are married, you take on each other's financial responsibilities, and it's important to know what those are before the wedding. Get on the same page early and stay there."
10. "Keep your relationship private. If you have issues with your spouse, bring it to them, not Facebook, not Reddit, not your mom. Keep your troubles, dirty laundry, stress, and issues between the two of you."
11. "Shared goals — like finances, kids, and careers — are more important than shared hobbies."
12. "It's like Yasmin Mogahed said — 'People wonder what goes wrong after the wedding day. I think it's when giving turns to expecting and gratitude turns to entitlement.'
13. "Be prepared to date each other forever. The second you stop courting each other, it all falls apart."
"It doesn't even have to be a date — even just doing something together around the house makes a big difference."
14. "Have separate blankets. Nothing builds resentment like a freezing butt at 3 a.m."
15. "Someone once told me, 'Once you get married, your spouse becomes your family, and your family becomes your relatives.' It really helped me navigate stressful family gatherings, knowing we had each other's backs and that we were our own team."
16. "The point of arguing is not to win, it's to understand where they’re coming from and why this issue matters to them."
"Disagreements happen. Find a middle ground. There's always a middle ground." —FatuousOocephalus
"Take the time to reach mutually acceptable compromises. They may not come quickly or easily, they may not be comfortable, and they may take some creativity, but very few problems are truly big enough that a compromise cannot be reached."
17. "Be playmates. Find time to play games or chase, whatever. Just play."
18. "Learn how your partner deals with stress and anger, and learn together how to make it work for you guys."
19. "Be honest. That doesn't mean tell each other everything — but don't deliberately omit information your spouse should know."
"Sometimes a white lie is acceptable. Sometimes it isn't. Find the balance that works for you two, and go with it."
20. "You will wonder why you ever thought this was a good idea. This is normal."
21. "Make sure you want a marriage, instead of just an awesome wedding."
22. "A trick to getting out of fights is to tell each other how important the issue is to you, using the 1-10 scale. Ask your spouse, 'How important is this to you?' And if it's a 9 to you, tell them. Often times we get into fights and don't know how to get out of them."
23. "You're a team — act like it. Especially in front of the kids."
24. "Too many people don't understand that the first 'I do' is the first of a lifetime of daily 'I dos' required to make it work."
25. "Sex is important. It's not everything, but it's important."
26. "Have two comfortable places to sleep. It'll really come in handy not just during arguments, but when someone is sick, has allergies, or snores."
27. "Dream together. If you can dream up something incredible with your spouse it'll not only give you something to look forward to, but will keep that fire burning and remind you of your promise to one another."
28. "My wife recently passed away from breast cancer, and my advice is to marry your best friend — the one you like to have random conversations with, the one who makes you laugh a lot. The one you can spend all your time with. The one who will support you in tough times and vice versa. You know, The One."
29. "And make sure you tell your spouse if you do or don't like tomato in your grilled cheese."
Some responses have been edited in length and clarity.