Divorce lawyers probably hear some of the craziest, most random details about people's marriages.
Well, I stumbled upon this old Reddit thread in which user KlyonneSpencer asked divorce lawyers the most ridiculous reasons their clients have filed for divorce, and y'all, I seriously can't with these:
1. "I once had a client who married a woman he met while he was stationed in Guantanamo Bay. Well, she was practicing cooking American dishes for him when she decided to make spaghetti and added an ingredient from an unlabeled freezer bag to the sauce. When I asked her what it was, she just replied hysterically that she didn't know any better. That's when her husband chimed in and said that the ingredient was MENSTRUAL BLOOD!"
2. "A friend of mine divorced her husband because his dick was too big. She said it was fun at first, but that sex became 'too much work.'"
"When she first told me, I refused to believe it. But then she showed me a picture of them dancing at their reception, and holy shit was this guy packing heat!"
3. "Because the husband insisted on bringing his mother on their honeymoon. That's where the wife discovered that the reason was because his mother was still breastfeeding him. Yes, the husband — a grown man — was still breastfeeding."
4. "One that sticks out to me was when the husband and wife were both playing an online role-playing game like The Sims, except more adult. Well, the wife got very heavily involved in the game, spending 10 hours a day playing, and she wouldn't stop. The breaking point was when the husband set up a fake avatar to see what she was doing and found her avatar having sex with some random guy's avatar."
5. "Because the wife spent $42,000 on psychic hotlines."
6. "I overheard a divorcing couple in my associate's office arguing about all the reasons they disliked each other when all of a sudden the husband started screaming about the wife leaving shit stains in the toilet."
7. "A friend of mine and his wife played the lottery, and one day he came up with the idea to prank his wife by playing the previous day's winning numbers. So he bought the ticket and stuck it on the fridge. Well, when his wife went to the kitchen to make coffee, he yelled to her from the other room to check the lottery numbers to see if they won. He had a huge grin on his face as he heard her check her laptop. But then she went silent for a moment...before yelling back that they didn't win anything!"
8. "I had a client file for divorce because every morning his wife would ask him how he takes his coffee. For seven years."
9. "Because he wouldn't help her put up a shower curtain."
10. "My boss's wife just filed for divorce because he used too much toilet paper. She was a super-thrifty coupon lady, and would even listen when he was in the bathroom to see if he was using too much."
11. "Because he was still living with his mom."
12. "One of my clients filed for divorce because he owed his bookie $70,000, and figured he would get half of the house in the divorce and pay off his debts."
13. "The husband wanted a divorce because the wife was still wiping the ass of their perfectly healthy teenage son."
14. "My dad divorced my mom because 'she takes too long to tell a story.' Turns out, he was having one of many affairs, but that didn't come out until afterwards."
15. "Because he loved his pinball machine collection more than he loved her."
16. "One of my clients got a divorce because she hated sex with her husband. Apparently her previous relationship was pretty 'intense' and her husband just didn't measure up."
17. "My neighbor filed for divorce because her husband smacked his lips when he ate and slurped his coffee and soup — she thought if she didn't divorce him, she'd end up going to jail for battery."
18. Do you know anyone that filed for divorce for ridiculous, hilariously memorable, or totally WTF reasons? Tell us about it in the comments!
Some responses have been edited for length and clarity.