19 Wild Grandparent Stories That Prove We're The Least Exciting Generation
Memaws out here livin' their best lives...
1. "My grandmother was one of the classiest women I've ever known. But if you took her to a nice restaurant, you knew she was going to steal something. And not a salt shaker or fork. She would take ART OFF THE WALLS!"
2. "I recently discovered that my grandmother smokes pot, which she gets from a 'friend of a friend' who grows it in her assisted living complex."
3. "When my ex and I broke up, my grandma told me to get a vibrator."
4. "My grandma once went through a Jack in the Box drive-thru at 2 a.m., but no one responded to her order over the speaker. When she drove up to the window she could see a trail of clothes inside leading to the office upstairs. So she just climbed in through the window, made herself a Breakfast Jack, and climbed back out to her car, yelling, 'I won't tell if you won't!'"
5. "My grandma had too much to drink at Christmas dinner and stood up and twerked on the dinner table...then finished her performance by planking across a chair."
6. "My papa pretended to have a heart attack during my first communion so that he could go outside for a smoke."
7. "My grandma once dug up flowers from my neighbor's garden, walked them over to our house, and planted them there. When her very pissed neighbor came over to confront her, she simply said, 'Your garden was overcrowded.'"
8. "My grandma once spent the night with me, took shots with my neighbors, then fell out of the bed at 3 a.m. giggling like a teenager."
9. "We were at the airport gate waiting to board a plane when we noticed my grandmother holding something odd in her hand. We looked closer to see that it was a lighter. When we tried to figure out how she got it, we realized that she'd dumped the entire bin of confiscated items from the security check into her bag — including SEVERAL POCKET KNIVES!"
10. "My great-grandmother got caught on the security camera at her nursing home trying to steal their 9-foot Christmas tree from the lobby. And apparently, she'd been going around the facility stealing all the decorations and stashing them in her room!"
11. "My grandmother has, on several occasions, plunged a fork into someone's hand for using improper table manners. And not just her kids'."
12. "My cousins and I were on a beach trip with our 70-year-old grandmother and we were riding in two separate cars. We had been writing silly messages on paper and holding them up in the windows when our cars passed each other. Well, at one point my cousin's car came up alongside ours, and that's when I saw it — my grandmother's NAKED BUTT! Yup, my Mamaw straight-up mooned us out of the window!"
13. "My grandma had way too much to drink once and told me that the reason she and my grandpa missed my birth was that they'd had CRAZY SEX the night before and slept through my mom and dad's phone calls the next morning."
14. "My great-grandma climbed out her window trying to escape her nursing home twice, but got busted in the parking lot. When asked why she did it, she said she was 'just keeping the staff on their toes.'"
15. "My grandfather did a keg stand on video the week before his 83rd birthday, then simply said, 'That's a hell of a way to drink a beer.'"
16. "My baby brother once had to be taken from our house to the hospital by helicopter, and my grandma got in her car to meet him there. Well, my grandma literally beat the helicopter there...IN HER CAR."
17. "My grandma got so totally hammered at New Year's dinner that I had to literally carry her out of the restaurant. She was sure no one noticed, though, and spent the whole car ride saying to herself, 'I can do this. THEY'LL NEVER KNOW!'"
18. "My grandma asked us to take her to a male strip club for her 80th birthday, so we did, and she got pulled up onstage and ended up being the star of the show!"
19. "My mother greeted me afterschool one day by saying, 'Honey, Grandma got herself a tattoo for her 70th birthday...ON HER BOOB. Don't tell your great-grandfather."
Some responses have been edited for length and clarity.