17 WTF Things Real-Life Parents Have Said To Their Kids

    "Don't put your binky in the dog's butt."

    Asia McLain
    by Asia McLain

    BuzzFeed Staff

    We asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us the weirdest thing they've said as a parent and the responses were hilarious, weird, and so, so real:

    1. "We don't use our penis to play with the iPad."

    E! Entertainment Television

    —leslieplatz

    2. "Get that onion out of your pants!"

    Fox

    —annad418be16fb

    3. "Poop goes in the toilet, not on windows!"

    TvLand

    —ismunt

    4. "No twerking in the shower!"

    TvLand

    —alisham48d6e8382

    5. "Please use your indoor scream."

    Comedy Central

    —ruthie735

    6. "Get the lizard out of your mouth."

    NBC

    —shelleyk43467ee67

    7. "Don't put your binky in the dog's butt."

    ABC

    —sac9488

    8. "Boogers aren't good presents."

    NBC

    –Sherri Milk Antal, Facebook

    9. "Stop rubbing mashed potatoes on your brother's nipples!"

    NBC

    —candiedmonds13

    10. "Please get your feet out of the popcorn."

    NBC

    —natalieanastasiag

    11. "Don't drink your bath water!"

    ABC

    —dezziedezz

    12. "Stop petting the dog with your quesadilla!"

    Fox

    —kathryna4d840e3c7

    13. "Peeing on your brother in the tub is not helping him take a shower."

    SpikeTv

    —jeanmaried3

    14. "Cheese is not a bookmark."

    CBS

    –HuckleberryCaek

    15. "We don't chase friends with our butts."

    Paramount Pictures

    —allisonpriess

    16. "You aren't going anywhere until you figure out where that smell in your room is coming from."

    CBC

    —megangriffithc

    17. "Hooray, it's the weekend! Oh wait, I'm a mom."

    Bravo

    —nsab120

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    Some responses have been edited for length and clarity.