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Updated on Nov 30, 2019. Posted on Nov 28, 2019

15 People Share The Time Someone Objected At A Wedding They Attended, And There Are No Words For This Cringe

"She yelled, 'I object! The man's dick is too small to satisfy!'"

If you've ever been to a wedding, you've probably experienced that brief moment of awkwardness when the officiant asks if anyone objects to the marriage and the rest of us wait:


I think we can all agree it's really, really uncomfortable.

Well, Reddit user Ffynnn asked people to share the time someone actually objected to a wedding they attended, and y'all...I just can't with these:

1. "One of my good friends was marrying a man she thought was a truck driver, but when the priest asked for objections, a woman stood up. Turned out, the guy wasn't a truck driver at all, but a married man from another state who had two kids. The woman who stood up was his wife."


2. "I knew my cousin had hooked up with one of my friends during his engagement, and when I saw that friend at his wedding, I knew it was going to be good. Well, we had a few drinks at the bar before the ceremony, which must have hit my friend pretty hard, because at the moment of truth she yelled, 'I object, Your Honor — that man's dick is too small to satisfy! HE'S UNFIT FOR MARRIAGE!'"


"Everyone went silent for a moment, and then I looked at my friend and we burst out laughing. And even though the bride was pissed and slapped the groom, they still went through with the marriage! Two years later, they're getting divorced."


3. "There was a huge thunderstorm during my friend's wedding, and just when the minister asked, 'Does anyone have any objections?' lightning struck the church and all the lights went out! We all just laughed uncomfortably, and then the minister said, 'That doesn't count!' and just went on with the ceremony."


4. "I was at a wedding in which a guy objected and said, 'If y'all get married, I'll lose my drinking buddy!'"


5. "A friend of mine told me about a wedding he went to in which when it came time for the objections, a voice in the back yelled, 'SHE SUCKED MY DICK LIKE 30 MINUTES AGO!' The bride burst into tears, and the groom just walked away."


6. "I saw a wedding interrupted because the bride was already married in three different states under three different names!"


7. "I went to a wedding in which the groom's father objected, saying he had proof that she was just using him to pay off her debts. He had screenshots from one of her friends in which she admitted that she was planning to divorce him only after he paid off all her student loans and bought them a house...which she was planning to get in the divorce."


8. "I was at a wedding in which the bride objected herself. She had recently found out that her soon-to-be husband had been sleeping with her sister for the past eight years!"


9. "I was a musician at a wedding in which someone objected because he was a Spurs fan and the groom was a Liverpool fan."


10. "My husband and I got married when my oldest child was 3 months old. Well, when the officiant asked if there were any objections, our baby started crying loudly. The officiant replied, 'Too late,' and everyone starting laughing."

11. "At a wedding I attended, when the objections question was asked, the entire crowd began laughing wildly. Turns out, the bride and groom had both led, ahem, colorful lives."


12. "At my friend's wedding, his mother stood up during the vows and, staring at his wife-to-be, said, 'Objection! I don't want my baby to be with that rat bastard for the rest of his life!' Everyone in the audience was shocked and confused, and my friend just turned red and ran right out of the church. I guess he felt the same way."


13. "I went to a wedding in which someone objected and said, 'We've been fucking, and she's better off with me!' The groom dumped her immediately and she had to move provinces."


14. "When I was three years old, I objected at my aunt's wedding because I didn't want her to get married. My family still brings it up to this day."


15. "Not exactly an objection, but I worked as a photographer at a Vegas wedding chapel. Once, a young couple came in with their friends to get married, and when the minister got to the vows part, the groom kept putting the ring on the bride's finger and then taking it off again. It was really uncomfortable for a few minutes, until finally the groom asked the bride if there was someone else. She nodded, and they decided not to get married after all."

Universal Pictures

"Their friends still bought the DVD though!"


Some responses have been edited for length and clarity.

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