The Definitive Ranking Of The Creepiest Social Networks

Ranked on a scale from zero to James Franco.

Presented from least to most creepy.

13. Google +

Creepiest feature: WHAT IS GOOGLE +? Honestly, if I find out you have a Google + account (on purpose) then you, by definition, are creepy.

12. Vine

Creepiest feature: Youths filming themselves for six seconds, obviously.

11. Pinterest

Creepiest feature: When you notice your friend who is SINGLE and has an entire wedding planned. And reception. And the first year of their unborn child’s life.

10. Foursquare

Agent-X Comics / Via

Creepiest feature: Randos adding you after you check into a place. Oh, add me cause we both went to the same cafe one time!!!!!

9. Reddit

Creepiest feature: The knowledge that everyone on reddit is probably just an old white guy sitting around in his tighty whities.

8. Myspace

Creepiest feature: What even is MySpace now? Music or something? Whatever, we all remember that top 8 bullshit. Top 8 = top 8 people we’d like to GET WITH, AMIRITE?

7. Twitter

Creepiest feature: DM fo sho. Hey, I don’t know you well enough to have your phone number but I’m gonna go ahead and hit on you anyway. To make things worse, twitter just added a picture feature to DM. HI DICK PIC.

6. Instagram

Creepiest feature: Instagram Direct, it’s pretty much a bad snapchat, and since that shit doesn’t go away, it’s basically a graveyard of dick pics. Looking at you, James Franco.


Creepiest feature: Literally everything about is creepy. Anonymous or non anonymous questions to someone. Then the ability to share these questions with the world. IDK MAYBE JUST CALL THEM?

4. Tumblr

Creepiest feature: The search tab, obviously. Oh you wanna search for a “cute puppy GIF” — here’s a picture of a penis.

3. LinkedIn

Creepiest feature: LinkedIn in general. What is online “business” networking, anyway? Sounds creepy as fuck.

2. Facebook


Creepiest feature: Poke. What the fuck does that even mean? What are you poking me with? I can only imagine it’s your virtual dick.

1. Snapchat

Creepiest feature: ….Every moment spent on snapchat is creepy. Why not just text some pictures to some people? Oh that’s right, cause they’re of your boobs.

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