When I was little, I won a DVD copy of the movie Sleepover in a hula hooping contest hosted by Radio Disney at ShopRite. Ahh, the memories.
Now, looking back on all the nonsensical bat-shit events that I partook in, I was inspired to do something revolutionary — rewatch Sleepover as an adult, and share my thoughts with all of you.
1. They open up in a high school and the teacher's lookin' good as hail?
2. Wait OK, my high school didn't do all that "oooOoO last day of school, let's throw the papers in the air" thing. Why didn't we do that?
3. HOLD THE PHONE. She just said junior high... JUNIOR HIGH. I thought these girls were in *high school*. Oh this is going to be gewwwwWWD.
4. Two words: Brie. Larson.
5. Honestly she probably got cast after her performance as the ~background bitch~ in 13 Going on 30. Girl's got talent.
6. But her POTTY mouth! I just... not even two minutes in and she's already being extremely rude to poor Yancy.
7. Me:
8. Ahhh, young Even Peters. Never knew why they called him SpongeBob. Was that like a side promo for SpongeBob? What is real anymore?
9. Jane Lynch as Gabby Corky is delusional. I thought it then and am thinking it now. Mom, if your reading this, pay attention.
10. JULIE CORKY is ME. Sarcasm, spice, and everything nice.
11. Reasons why Julie's mom is controlling and needs to be stopped:
12. Now, Julie's dad? What a keeper. Hilarious. A gem amongst Cubic Zirconium.
13. "Blue!" "Our house is having a boy?" lol
14. Yeah I did most of these things at sleepovers, but never understood the frozen bra thing. Like even now, what do you do with it? Put it on?
15. Ok you gotta give Staci mad props for saying no to sexual pressure, hitting the dbag with the savage "JV" subtweet, and then not shedding a *single* tear when her boyfriend ditched her in the middle of a field.
16. I almost fell off my chair seeing Steve Carell in his Patroltec git up interrogating the girl's about their Coca Cola.
17. Imagine this mustache guy shining a light on you in the middle of your teen sleepover and his name tag says "Shiner". Yeesh.
18. She's freakin' YANCY, Staci. Don't get it twisted.
19. Staci, gurl, I will take these studs outta my ears if you talk smack about Yancy one more time. Neat-o is the new fetch!
20. *cue fashion montage, despite having no prior experience in specialty studies pertaining to fashion*
21. Ren, you're going to let some rando boys creep into your sister's room and touch her bras? Lock Lock Lock.
22. Evan Peters can pull off any role.
23. I ~freezeframe~ to this day.
24. Don't drink the water Ren, this is how they got Nicole Kidman in The Invasion, practically.
25. This movie totally disregards the whole idea of the girls being in junior high. Like HOW did they get into a club?
26. Their professor being OK with taking a photo with his underage students in a club... yeah I'm sure that photo won't end up anywhere incriminating...
27. The only sane thing anyone says in this movie is "How did you even get in here?"
28. Hannah, honey, two olives does not make anything very Cosmopolitan. That, my dear, is a dirty martini of which I've been very, very well acquainted with.
29. Yassss Nancy get it girl! She's got the "glad-looking" face.
30. I really don't think my mom went to any clubs when I was in junior high. Texting her now.
31. Did I miss the part of the movie where they foreshadowed Julie's skateboarding skills?
32. Rotten Tomatoes gave this such a bad review but there is so much comedic gold in here.
33. I would have blocked my mom on iMessage at this point if she was this suffocating.
34. Do NOT smell that shoe Julie. EW.
35. Wow Steve is foine. Maybe I would smell his shoe
36. Hannah said she's gonna write songs about Julie. Does Hannah write/sing? Was there a deleted scene where Hannah writes a song about Julie's skateboarding skills? I have questions for the producer.
37. Julie has balls now. Hair down, red dress on, can't lose.
38. If I were in that ticket booth girl's spot I would have slapped Julie across the face.
39. Yancy throwin' shots now, oh how the tables have turned!
40. That moment when Steve says Julie's name hit me on a personal level. Just maybe say Ariel next time.
41. Update on the club situation: My mom said "No I had real mom shit to do". That you did Sheri, that you did.
42. There must be more spots to eat outside than a) fountain and b) dumpster.
43. Man, Sherman can't catch a break. Yes Steve Carell's name in this movie is Sherman.
44. Sherman:
45. Julie's hair in the AM? My mom, to this day, can't get over the fact that it's professionally blown out with no apparent cause.
46. Low-rise bell bottomed jeans and a neon pink crop top with the shoulders cut off. This was approved by a costume designer and team of professionals.
47. At least they kept their word, but why would they have dumpsters so close to a lunch tables anyway?
48. Best ending ever with that scream. Brie don't GAF, and she never will!
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