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21 Secrets British Jews Won't Tell You

I'm going to be a mensch and let you in on a few things.

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1. We've been around for 3,000 years, but we still don't know how to describe all the different types of Jews.

Universal /

They keep Shabbat most of the time, but they'll tear the toilet paper. And I think they're like veggie-kosher, you know?

3. And we know that if we actually want to marry a Jew, the maths doesn't look great.

New Line Cinema /

If you factor in the number of Jews in the UK, consider how similar they are to you in terms of religiosity, and then think about their looks, sense of humour, and intelligence, you realise you've got 200 people to choose from in your whole life ever.


11. Fast days are totally worth it for the meal afterwards.


Eating and drinking nothing for 25 hours is tough. But the bagels, smoked salmon, pickles, two kinds of fried fish, cake, biscuits, and two cups of tea at your aunt's house afterwards more than make up for it.


16. We can tell a lot about other Jews by their surnames.

Warner Bros. /

You were Cohenites, Levites, from the Neue Synagogue, from the gold trade, from the silver trade, or your grandpa just thought Silberblatt was a bit too Jewish, so now you're a Simons.


17. Every time we meet new Jews, we play a special friend-making game.

It's called Jewish Geography, and it involves naming the school, university, and summer camps you went to, followed by all the Jews you know in common.