Which Of These Things Actually Happened In "Harry Potter And The Cursed Child"?

That was an easy one. Of course Hermione is minister for magic.

THANKFULLY there were no secret leftover Horcruxes to take care of. Not that we wouldn't have all been down for a stage adaption of Harry Potter and the Yearlong Camping Trip.

This 100000% happened. Seriously. The Trolley Witch is the breakout star of Cursed Child, tbh.

Granted, it occurs in an alternate timeline where Cedric lives, but IT REALLY HAPPENS. Specifically, Cedric Diggory becomes a Death Eater because Albus and Scorpius ENGORGE HIS HEAD during the second Triwizard Tournament task and HE FLOATS OUT OF THE LAKE and is SO HUMILIATED he turns EVIL.

You'd know if it had, because fans everywhere would be RIOTING IN THE STREETS. Don't disrespect Minerva McGonagall by suggesting she could do anything as mundane as die.

BUT IMAGINE IF IT DID.

Lord Voldemort and Bellatrix Lestrange had a nice shag, which apparently resulted in a secret silver-haired lovechild named Delphi. Because Voldemort having sex is something that's canon now. So. Yep.

I mean, at least in the play. It probably happened at some point.

He had to do it to be bait for AFOREMENTIONED EVIL VOLDEMORT DAUGHTER.

But Harry DID ban the two of them from being friends and there was an incredibly long montage of them sulking around missing each other. SO.

LUCKILY, it happened in an alternate timeline where the two of them were wanted rebel wizards. But still. Hermione sacrificed herself and Ron refused to let her do it alone and WE ALL CRIED.

And my question for everyone involved with this cursed play is: WHY? WHERE WAS TEDDY? WHY WASN'T HE UTILIZED AT ALL? WE WANT ANSWERS.

What does happen is he travels back in time to save his son, and while there, has to stand by and watch his parents die. Because apparently, Harry James Potter hasn't been through enough trauma for one lifetime, right???

All right, then.