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Feb 16, 2020

18 People Share The Dumbest, Funniest Thing They Believed As A Kid

"I thought that drinking and driving meant ANY drink."

Remember when you were a kid, and the world was all big and new...and you didn't understand, like, anything? I mean, let's face it: Kids are kinda dumb, right?

Disney / Pixar

Well, Redditor samstar10 asked, "What was the dumbest thing you believed as a kid?" and of course there were a ton of answers that were equal parts hilarious and cute. Here are some of the best:

1. The belly button feeder:

"When I was a kid, my mom explained to me that we all had belly buttons because that’s how our moms fed us before we were born. So I thought when you got pregnant, your belly button opened up and you just put whatever you wanted to down there. Like I thought women were just shoving chicken legs in their belly buttons.

Plot twist: I’m a postpartum nurse now."


2. The dedicated TV actors:

"That actors/TV characters would have to come back into a studio for each rerun of a show/movie. I would always be so amazed that people would have the time to go into a room with a camera multiple times a day just so I could watch them do the same thing over and over again."


3. The truly communal laugh track:

"I used to think that laugh tracks were somehow real life, like I was hearing everyone else laughing who was watching the same show I was. In hindsight this is really stupid; obviously the sound is coming from the speakers, but growing up we only had TV at my grandma's place and I remember laughing really loud when the laugh track came on so all her neighbors would think I got the joke too."



4. Those annoying commercials:

"I thought that the show was still going on during the commercial breaks, so I was always worried about what I had missed while the commercials were on."


5. The slot machine with all the money:

"I used to watch my dad go to the ATM, look at the receipt, and get grumpy/frustrated. I knew how bank accounts and ATMs worked, but the kid-logic part of my brain figured that they also kind of worked like slot machines. In that, when you conducted some transaction on them, you got that slip with three icons on it. If you got one with three cherries, for example, you would take it inside and they would deposit $50 or whatever into your account. I figured he was frustrated because he kept losing all the time.

I even asked him a few times when he was looking at the receipt, 'Did you win?' and he was like, 'No.'"


6. The prisoners of the education system:

"I thought that teachers sleep at school."


7. Sex education, part 1:

"That sex was literally sleeping next to one another and making moaning sounds.

I heard things I wanna forget."



8. Sex education, part 2:

"I remember thinking even making contact was sex. I bumped a girl with my pelvis dangerously close in elementary. I was scared she'd get pregnant."


9. This is actually a pretty good prediction of GPS nav:

"I didn't know cars have a turn signal lever, so I thought the car knew where we were going. I thought the car would use the arrows to tell my parents where to turn."


10. Careful having that soda:

"I thought that drinking and driving meant any drink."



11. Those black-market stalls:

"I thought the black market was an actual market, like under a bridge or something."


12. Childbirth, part 1:

"Once I was playing with some toys and my mom was talking on the phone to her friend. I guess they were talking about kids growing up and having families someday because my mom put her hand over the phone and asked me if I wanted kids someday and if I wanted boys or girls.

I gave it some thought and said that I wanted one boy and one girl. For the longest time after this, I thought that it had been completely decided, like my mom was just on the phone with whoever you call to place an order for kids, and my order had been finalized."


13. Childbirth, part 2:

"I used to think my testicles were the eggs of my future children. Like, one day they would hatch and I'd have two kids."


14. Childbirth, part 3:

"That the gender of a baby depended on which person was trying harder during sex."


15. Childbirth, part 4:

"I had no idea that morning sickness was associated with pregnancy. My coach was concerned when I shrugged my shoulders and stated that's what was probably causing my sluggishness at football camp practice."


16. Those wasteful escalators:

"Escalator stairs were one-time-use and just kinda piled up under the floor."


17. The wunderkind athletes:

"In sports, I used to think whatever number the player wore was how old that player was. When I saw a picture of Babe Ruth my reaction was, 'That’s one big 3-year-old!'"


FC Augsburg / FIFA

18. And finally, everybody gets ONE:

"My brother had me convinced for a while that each person had to have a unique favorite color, and since his was blue, I had to change mine. On my first day of kindergarten, we had to introduce ourselves and say our favorite color. I was super stressed out because the kids in front of me picked the 'good' colors, and I kinda panicked and told everyone my favorite color was gray."


Do you have a weird thing you thought was true as a kid? Let us know in the comments and yours might be featured in a future BuzzFeed post or video!

Submissions have been edited for length or clarity.

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