69 Things I Screamed At My TV During This Week's "Game Of Thrones"
Did y'all know this was the 69th episode of the series? Wink wink.
1. Everyone, I have a very important announcement.
2. Thanks to HBO Now's failure to list the title of this week's episode, I have discovered that this is episode #69 in the series.
4. Dany, you know your dad was a homicidal maniac, right?
5. I mean, yeah, Jaime isn't the greatest dude alive, but, like, chastising him for murdering your father isn't the right tactic here.
6. "One man with one hand." Ha. Zing!
7. You just know Bran's been waiting to say "the things we do for love" this whole time. Nailed it, Bran.
8. Sorry, just sobbing over here because of Brienne.
9. We don't deserve Brienne and Jaime certainly doesn't deserve Brienne.
10. Arya's really into smelting. Yeah, smelting.
11. OK Arya cool demonstration but, like, we need that dragonglass — let's not go throwing it around willy-nilly.
12. I like that Bran has accompanied his creepy staring with equally creepy quips.
13. "How do you know there is an afterwards?" I mean damn. That's creepy as shit.
14. Peter Dinklage deserves an award for his line reading of, "So, we're going to die. In Winterfell."
15. So much staring off the ramparts lately.
16. Podrick can fight now!
17. "He's all right." Guess only kind of.
18. PLEASE tell me Dany's about to offer Sansa a job, because she deserves it.
19. "Men do stupid things for women." Oof.
20. "Someone taller." OOF. Hahaha.
21. Show of hands: Who thought they'd ever actually like Theon again?
22. I sure didn't, but here we are.
23. Nice pep talk, Davos.
24. Gilly made it!
25. Poor Ser Davos, fucking haunted by Shireen everywhere he goes.
26. TORMUND MADE IT! And Edd too, but TORMUND!
27. Oh shit, we have until TOMORROW MORNING?
28. This is happening way faster than I thought.
29. "Is the big woman still here?" I can't wait to see Tormund and Jaime interact.
30. "That's what death is, isn't it? Forgetting, and being forgotten?"
31. "His mark is on me." WELL THEN DAMN GET OUTTA HERE.
32. For real, we're gonna leave the defense of the Three-Eyed Raven, the repository of all human knowledge and history, in the hands of fucking Theon?
33. I mean listen, the guy's come a long way and he's got heart, but he screws up a lot.
34. Tormund's so romantic hahaha.
35. I identify strongly with Missandei just wanting to go to the beach when all this is done.
37. Sam listing his accomplishments is kind of a nice reminder of how badass he's been.
38. Especially with stealing the books. What a rebel.
39. "Half a cup." Girl I get it, but if I'm fighting an army of nigh invincible zombies, I'd rather be drunk.
40. This has turned into a real party.
41. Tormund's story about sucking on a giant's titty is the very definition of "weird flex, but OK."
42. "I fought for you, didn't I?" Help I'm crying.
43. Arya didn't draw a whole diagram just for a spear, right? There's some kind of surprise in store for us with that thing.
44. Daaaamn, Arya get it.
45. IT'S HAPPENING.
46. This is weird to watch but Arya's wanted this for like five seasons and I'm so proud of her.
47. Like, I'm sure a lot of us feel like Maisie Williams was a child just a year ago but this show premiered in 2011; we're all fuckin' old now and she's like 22.
48. Tyrion just listing off their combined plot armor.
49. "Fuck tradition." Tormund's so progressive.
50. And still so romantic.
51. HOLY SHIT is Jaime about to knight her?
52. You guys, there's too much good stuff happening.
53. Things are about to be terrible because people are having too good a time here.
54. I hate this dumb show because I've teared up like three times over the stupidest things in this episode.
55. We're getting a lot of Lyanna Mormont this season.
56. "I can't really hold it upright." Aww Sam.
57. Do you think the thing that Pod did to those sex workers was just singing to them?
58. Honestly, if Grey Worm and Missandei don't both make it I'm gonna be pissed.
59. Oh god, Jon's gonna tell her.
60. Oooh, did Jon just lie about Bran telling him? Interesting.
61. Man, there are a lot of ill-timed interruptions this week with Daenerys. Like, just finish the conversation.
62. THEY'RE HERE.
63. Do they have Viserion?
64. THAT CAN'T BE THE END OF THIS EPISODE.
65. I feel like since this was episode 69, this list should be 69 items long.