Skip To Content

    23 "Archer" Jokes So Funny They'll Put You In The Danger Zone

    "Your authority is not recognized in Fort Kickass."

    1. Every time Archer brought up "phrasing."

    FX / Via

    Cheryl: Goddamn it! Who the hell drilled my box?!

    Archer: So, we're just done with phrasing, right? That's not a thing anymore?

    2. And the times when he didn't even need to.

    FX / Via

    Lana: Are you coming?

    Archer: No, but I'm breathing fast.

    3. When Krieger revealed too much.

    FX / Via

    Krieger: I'm not a serial killer.

    Archer: Wait, why'd you emphasize "serial"?

    4. When Archer learned about Germany's laws.

    FX / Via

    Anke: I am from Germany, where the age of consent is 14.

    Archer: What is it, the Alabama of Europe?

    5. When the situation was this ironic.

    FX / Via

    Archer: This is like O. Henry and Alanis Morissette had a baby, and named it this exact situation!

    6. When Krieger had the best name for his sex robot.

    FX / Via

    Pam: Tell him about the sex robot!

    Krieger: I call him Fister Roboto.

    7. When Archer found it hard to focus.

    FX / Via

    Katya: What do you see in my eyes?

    Archer: Mostly those insane boobs.

    8. And Pam brought up Katya's boobs, too.

    FX / Via

    Pam: You blew me off for Katya, the big-titted cyborg! Little Miss...uhh...

    Archer: R2-"Double-D"-2?

    9. When Archer totally dissed karate. And Dane Cook.

    FX / Via

    Cyril: Hey, will I get to learn karate?

    Archer: Karate? The Dane Cook of martial arts? No.

    10. When Slater burned Archer pretty bad.

    FX / Via

    Slater: So I saw you coming on to Archer. I was just gonna tell you he's had the clap so many times, it's more like applause.

    11. When Archer had to make an ocelot-based pun.

    FX / Via

    Archer: It's like...Meowschwitz in there.

    12. When these were the actual subtitles when Russian people spoke.

    FX / Via

    "Ektual genius plen."

    13. And even better ways of getting out of awkward situations.

    14. Seriously.

    FX / Via

    Krieger: Smoke bomb!

    15. When Archer could only think of one thing as great as driving a hovercraft.

    FX / Via

    Archer: Seriously, Lana, this must be what it's like to have sex with me.

    16. When Archer didn't take Canadian terrorists very seriously.

    FX / Via

    Lana: At any time in the next 12 hours, this train could be attacked by radical Nova Scotian separatists.

    Archer: Armed with what? Pamphlets about Canada's responsible gun control laws?

    17. When Cheryl lost count of the World Wars.

    FX / Via

    Cheryl: And now we're like on the brink of World War II.

    Pam: Three.

    Cheryl: It's not a competition, Pam!

    18. When it wasn't really that long a story.

    Mallory: And since when do you carry a switchblade?

    Archer: It's a long story, mother.

    [sees switchblade in pawn shop]

    Archer: Neat.

    19. When Archer almost saw one of his worst fears.

    FX / Via

    Archer: Oh thank god, I thought you were crocodiles.

    Calzado Crocodiles? On a three-wheeler?

    Archer: Right? How scary would that be?

    20. When Archer said a little prayer.

    FX / Via

    Archer: Bloody Mary, full of vodka, blessed are you among cocktails. Pray for me now, at the hour of my death, which I hope is soon. Amen.

    21. When there were so, so many Lord of the Rings references.

    Cyril: These are from a doctor!

    Pam: Pill-bo Baggins.

    22. When Lana was 100% done.

    FX / Via

    [faraway screams]

    Lana: Don't even wanna know.

    23. And finally, when Krieger had the best name for a box fort.

    FX / Via

    Krieger: Are you addressing me? Because your authority isn't recognized in Fort Kickass.

    BuzzFeed Daily

    Keep up with the latest daily buzz with the BuzzFeed Daily newsletter!

    Newsletter signup form