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Wait One Damn Minute, Do People Actually Check The "Following" Tab On Instagram?

It's only for professional spies, right?

Oh, hey. Greetings. How are you on this fine summer day? Good? Are you aware that your every move on Instagram is public information and any of your followers can access it?

But I'm getting ahead of myself! Let's start from the beginning.

Instagram. It's one of the apps we all use, sort of like Snapchat — that is, until Instagram started offering stories and filters.

We go there to share photos that make our lives look fun, like other people's photos that make their lives look fun, and have a whole mess of fun in the process!

Here's a photo of me and my fiancé meeting Guy Fieri. This is peak Instagram. I probably wouldn't even have done this if not for the existence of this app — and YEAH, I paid $29.99 for his cookbook and he signed it.

Right after posting this, I drooled over my phone as I constantly refreshed the "You" tab to watch every like and comment roll in. My dopamine receptors were on overload!

And speaking of the "You" tab, have you ever wondered why it's called that? Better yet, have you ever looked just to the left of it?

If you have, you'd know I'm talking about the "Following" tab, the strangest, loneliest, most conflict-inducing place in all of social media.

Do you want to see what your friends are up to? Scroll down the Home tab and see what they posted!

Maybe you want to find new accounts to follow. In which case, I recommend checking out the Explore tab. It offers a comprehensive mix of popular accounts AND mutual friends.

But this...

"Joe_Schmo liked Joe_Blow420's comment: @Joe_Schmo nice"

"BrendanFraser_Fan69 liked 5 posts"

"Gigantic_MemeFart started following TinyMeme_fart"

What am I even supposed to do with this information? What's the point of it?! Why is this public?!

I'm having a hard time imagining a purpose for this aside from exposing people for liking bathing suit vacation photos.

Am I alone?

Stay safe out there, everyone. And remember: you're being watched.