1. A power scrubber kit equipped with three different-sized attachments, each one perfect for the corners, floor, and door of your shower. This takes off years of accumulated build-up in just mere minutes, doing a better job than you would have been able to do by hand. In the words of Daft Punk, this is just better, faster, and stronger.
2. A non-abrasive Bar Keepers Friend cleansing and polishing powder that will destroy years of icky build-up on all of your porcelain, copper, glass, tile, stainless steel, plastic, and brass. Time to grab your cookware set, folks, because the after photos are about to get GOOD.
3. A wood polish lauded by one reviewer as the ~best money they've ever spent~. Trying your hand at furniture restoration has never been so easy: a few drops of this formula is powerful enough to cover even the most unsightly scratches.
4. A garbage disposal brush so you can deep clean *without* having to brace the grossness that is plate dirt and smelly leftovers. So long forever, nasty odors building up in my kitchen sink.
5. Affresh dishwasher cleaning tablets because HOW can you get clean, glistening dishes if the dishwasher itself is *gag* covered in grime? Answer: You can't. These babies are here to help. Simply pop one in, put on the rinse cycle, and continue watching your show. Easy peasy.
6. A water-based tile pen that'll transform the chore of grout cleaning into a fun activity reminiscent of filling in the pages of an adult coloring book. Consider mold banished after a few swipes of this nontoxic formula, which releases anti-bacterial agents with each pass.
7. A hard water stain-remover so that your faucets and glass doors can finally look squeaky clean. So long, days of staring at my gross shower head that still looks awful despite hours (upon hours) of scrubbing.
8. A no-scrub Wet & Forget cleaner to make "cleaning" as easy as one, two, spritz. This no-rinse product should be used weekly to keep your shower free of mildew, which basically means it will take all of two seconds to feel like you've deep-cleaned the place in which you bathe.
9. A lint roller for a grossly satisfying gadget that's capable of picking up every speck of gunk plastered onto your furniture. Bliss = being able to remove the plastered pet fur on your couch within seconds, therefore not having to worry that your black leggings look like they're covered in white dust.
10. An adjustable duster brush great for air conditioners, fans, and window blinds because news flash, those need to be cleaned on occasion — the amount of dust that can accumulate there is *cough* genuinely disgusting. And don't worry, cleaning said crevices requires but a few minutes of your time and just a flick or two of the wrist.
11. A magic carpet spot cleaner over 29,000 devoted reviewers *swear* by for removing stubborn stains. Ever spilled whole glasses of red wine on a white carpet? Opened an old marker and ka-blam, there is now black ink on your couch? This cleaner knows said worries and gets rid of them in a jiffy.
12. A stainless-steel cleaner that will rid your large appliances (I'm looking at you, refrigerator) of all unsightly fingerprints and smudges. This blend of plant-based ingredients will even prevent future smudges from forming and (HALLELUJAH) doesn't leave any streaks behind.
13. Food grade mineral oil, because your trusty cutting board could truly use a little (or a lot of) TLC. This odorless formula helps restore and protect wood and bamboo surfaces, plus gives them a good deep clean. Go forth and use this on butcher blocks, countertops, knives, and more!
14. A Scotch-Brite toilet kit equipped with a handle, storage caddy, and five disposable cleaners to make porcelain throne upkeep as easy as one, two, three.
15. Cleaning sponges that may have been invented by an actual magician, as these bad boys are absolute pros at sloughing away soap scum and built-up residue. If you're terrified of bathing in your own tub due to unidentified stains, it's time you invested in a Magic Eraser.
16. A repair kit containing markers and wax sticks, all intended to help you cover up the scratches, scuffs, and discoloration currently being sported by your Ikea furniture.
17. A pack of microfiber cloths for a lint- and streak-free finish on glassware, windows, and yes, that includes light fixtures that have been permanently covered in a layer of dulling grime. The best part is, you don't even need a cleaning solution! A bit of water on one of these cloths is all you'll need.
18. A jetted cleaner with results so fantastic, they'll both satisfy and concern you: This lures out all the hidden grime lurking in your tub, aka the kind that was absolutely present when you took that last bath.
19. A Glisten foaming cleaner to neutralize the funky odors coming from your garbage disposal (*yuck*). This lemon-scented stuff requires absolutely no effort and two simple steps: turn on hot water, add the cleanser.
20. An all-natural tile and tub cleaner that will have you breathing a sigh of relief — literally. You'll no longer be bombarded with that overwhelming icky chemical scent because *this* has light notes of tea tree and eucalyptus but delivers the same results as [insert overwhelmingly smelly cleaner here]! Give your tub a spritz, come back in 15 minutes, and mold, mildew, and rust will slide right off.
21. A vacuum hose attachment in which multiple reviewers (multiple!) swear they pulled out whole socks from their lint traps. Clogged vents = longer drying times = higher utility bills = less money in your bank account to put toward, say, more Seamless takeout.
22. A Rubbermaid power scrubber that quickly ~scrubs~ away the stubborn soap scum you've been disgusted by for ages, but quietly ignored until now. This will have every corner of your bathroom looking as if went through a truly deep clean (even if the effort you put in was minimal).
23. A squeegee broom to quickly sweep up the water spills, potato chip crumbs, and stray strands that have quickly taken over your tiny apartment. An extendable handle and 100% natural rubber also make this an absolute beast for scooping up pet hair.
24. A microwave steam cleaner to finally (and I mean finally) rid your microwave of the caked-on dinner that's been there since about, oh, last year. Simply fill this handy device with vinegar, let 'er run for five to seven minutes, wipe, and done.
25. A grout cleaner that clings to silicone sealants (so the thin area around your shower head, in between your tiles, etc.) and effectively banishes mold and mildew to the pits of heck forever, which is where they rightfully belong. Someone contact Dante and let him know we've got another inferno contender.
27. Keurig cleaning cups that'll deep clean your coffee machine (#poetry) within minutes. Simply pop this biodegradable cleaner in as you would a cup of caffeine and proceed to marvel at the gunk that's made its way into your daily cup of joe.
The reviews for this post have been edited for length and clarity.