As Not Seen On Runways: Guy Fieri's American Tattoo Prints

    What if The New York Times had reviewed his clothes instead of his terrible restaurant?

    1. Guy Fieri, have you, if not looked at the clothes in your closet, at least felt them?

    2. When you protect your eyes from the sun, do you consider that a thick bright yellow frame paired with a reflective neon orange lens might actually hurt the eyes of everyone else?

    3. When you went to the Kentucky Derby in May, did you notice that your pink shirt — the one that glows like Pepto Bismol — actually sort of clashed with Lori Fieri's outfit?

    4. Why do you wear tattoo prints?

    5. Why does your leather jacket look like a layer of caked mud?

    6. Do you call this shirt "Guy's Fabulous Paisley Blouse"? Why?

    7. Is this brown plaid shirt supposed to vaguely approximate the color scheme of your goatee?

    8. Did you know that embroidery in menswear is about as easy for any dude to pull off as the promise hanging on a sign in your restaurant, "WELCOME TO FLAVOR TOWN!"?

    9. Do you know that they make black shirts that don't have purple accenting inside the collars?

    10. Is wearing your own name above the image of an eagle on your own shirt "supposed be a representation in [red and white] of the experience of going insane?"